Monday, March 31, 2008

Ain't no Love Part Deux

So if you dropped by on Friday then you all know I wasn't that thrilled about going to the Heart of the City concert. I had it all figured it out, it was my 30's state of mind and I stand by that (haha@ Eb the Celeb) but I have to confess my attitude was more about having to take the bus to NJ. That made me go DAMN DAMN DAMN and it turned out not to be a big deal (I still hate the bus)! I ended up having a great a time and getting a couple of laughs in the meantime (and getting a liitle p'ed off for having to check my umbrella).

So the opening act was that dude that sings "Falsetto" I don't know his name and honestly don't care too. His show was probably as vulgar as I've ever seen. I only bring this up because there were kids there with their parents, and I know my mom would have dragged me out if she saw those girls grinding on chairs. UGH these kids are a mess. I'll discuss this one later....

Mary was nothing short of amazing! I have never heard her sound this good EVER and her more positive look on life radiated even when she sang the really sad songs. The deep emotion was still there but the I'm going thru it sadness was gone and it was wonderful. At one point she left the stage and when she returned it was like a flashback, dark lipstick, huge shades sans the scarf. There were so many high points to her performance but what stood out the most was when Mary sang "I'm fine", she was dancing and posing and walking across the stage like it was a runway and the Izod Center rocked literally. Needless to say I had was singing and dancing right along. (Prior to this show I was done with this song, too much airplay)

H to the IZO Vto the IZA:
Ok so most of you know me HOV and I have been on bad terms for a while, but on Friday we made up (HAHA). His live show was really great (and I didn't expect it to be, always the optimist). He was energetic and really played to the crowd (at one point telling an entire section to stop swaying because they were going the wrong way) . He sang all the radio hits and I sang along (not realizing I knew all the lyrics like that I impressed myself). But what solidified my new appreciation for Jay was when he sung the first verse to my 2007 anthem "Lucifer", at that very moment I would have thrown up a Roc sign (OK not really but you get the point..) because this song in my opinion is slept on and great song. So I am not going to go all balls to the wall and say I am all about Jay Z again but I will confess that this show made me feel something about Hip Hop I haven't in a LONG time... Joy!

Now the jokes (you knew this was coming): A collaboration with my sister the
Black Atelier (coming soon)

There was this 50+ woman sitting a few rows from my us who we nicknamed Frankie, (PCD you gave me the ammo for jokes) from that awful BET show about Keyshia Coles' life. She was cursing people out and was clearly inebriated. She left her seat at various points to read somebody the riot act but at one point could not get back down the stairs to her seat. In steps a young man who clearly didn't know her to help her down back to her seat. How does the Frankie-look/act-alike show her appreciation by giving him a slow wind. He looked disgusted, I WAS disgusted. Imagine your momma in the feeling on your booty video, YUCK!

The couple in front of my sis and I kept taking pictures... No not of who was on stage but of themselves!! I could not stop laughing because every picture was exactly the same, the dude with a mean face, the girl smiling and my arms in a bright yellow sweater. Also how did all of these people get their cameras in and I had to check my umbrella. I mean really Izod Center.

The Tyler Perry presents moment that took place on the right side of the stage while Mary sang "Your Child". My sister can attest to my outrage when this woman started walking across the stage holding her head. Then I realized it was for dramatic effect, turned out to be more comedy for me!

NJ giggle: there was a guy running down the ramp that lead to the NJ turnpike. There was a scenario created in the car by my dear and crazy friend about what could have happen. I thought it was too funny and seemed like something out a movie.

I saw more T&A then you would have seen at Scores. If your seats are above the 200 level don't you think you should be in comfortable clothes because you have quite a trek to and from the main floor. I'm not saying don't look good but 4 inch platform red patent leather shoes and mini skirt just seems wrong to me.

(This one is for GG) There was some sort of fight in the parking lot and one of the girls yelled "She don't know I'm from East NY" my first thought was that's where you need to stay if you come out to fight at a concert. Now I don't know the circumstances of the fight but I do know I 'm not going to get manhandled and possibly arrested in another state. But GG bought up something even funnier when I told her the story... Why do people from Brooklyn always have to yell it out? Its true no matter where you are you ALWAYS know where Brooklyn people are because they stay shouting it out in songs, in regular conversation.

Let me know what you think about it....I'm From Brownsville, Never ran never WILL!

Friday, March 28, 2008

Oh how the table turns....POLITICS

Pantsuit better watch out now PA is not 100% behind her.

Dean says cut it out BABIES!

Clearly they didn't get the Memo, Black face is enough to get a beat down.

Barack and Brad Pitt cousins? All kinds of Handsome

Ain't No love....

I have officially crossed into my 30's attitude. I have tickets to the hottest show right now and all I want to do is go home and get in my bed.

I love Mary J (not this last album so much) and when I heard she was on tour again I was ready to get the tickets no questions asked. I alerted everyone I knew to see if they were all down.. and being the fans that we are it was an overwhelming YES! Phone calls, and text messages all times of the night to get the tickets before the general public it was on....

I like Jay Z (ya'll back off you know it took a lot for me to say that after the Nas beef) and I can be found singing along to many of his Cd's. Even when I was slandering him ever chance I got and giving him NO LOVE (the beef with Nas was personal) I still knew all the words to every song. I didn't really care for Blue Magic (American Gangster) but I will sing every lyric to "I know" like I am making a video. So on some level I guess I love Jay Z's music as well.

So why then am I thinking about giving my ticket away to any one who wants it and running home to get in the bed. Damn you Hov 30 is not the new 20 its the same old 30! YES I am better with age, I can afford to do the things I couldn't think about in my 20's and I LOVE IT! But in my 20's I could hang out all night and do it again the next day. Now I need a mid day cat nap, which I am pretty sure Jay and Mary are getting right now.

Am I the only one getting old or are you in your 30's (40's, the new 30's) and feel the same...

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Seriously I need to put the parental control on and forget the code to save myself from the madness

This week I have lost a total of 6 ½ hours of my life watching bad TV (and its only Wednesday).

It all started on Monday as I prepared for my dentist appt by laying in the bed watching of all things The Montel Williams show (Maury let me down with no paternity testing, which cracks me up… ok I have to stop being a part of the problem). Montel’s topic for the day was “people who hate their race”. He started out with a long monologue about how he was straight blow away by the comments that these women made and blah blah blah.

His first guest was a black “woman” who hates all things black and doesn’t consider herself black (despite the fact that she went to an HBCU, and is an AKA). My first thought as she started spewing her hate was "Does Montel’s producers do any research on their guest?" Because this same woman was on Tyra 2 years ago with the same tired story and promised to get therapy. Hmm.. maybe therapy comes in the form of a talk show audience screaming that she is sad and pathetic and her screaming back foolishness about combing hair and losing weight (or a paycheck to get her plastic surgery). My second thought was why is Robin Givens the person handing out advice? But she gave the girl sound advice about self-worth and choosing to be better despite your past. She said “every day we wake up is a new beginning and we get a second chance” . This crazy woman went on to say Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King did nothing for her because she is stuck. Watch it for your self, I can’t even write down all the crazy that was this woman.

Crazy part 1

*The second guest was a Korean woman who had plastic surgery on her eyes , nose, and lips to look less Asian. (A) post surgery she still looked Asian (B) the doctor was Asian and said the goal is make the Asians more beautiful (translation more European). DAMN WHAT IS GOING ON?! Its really sad what extremes people think they must put themselves through in order to conform and fit in a box.

DAMN WHAT’S GOING ON?! It’s really sad what extremes people think they must put themselves through in order to conform and fit in a box.

Next up and equally as pathetic the Real Housewives of New York City. Now I watched the Real Housewives of the O.C and I thought they were rather silly too but nothing like these women. The bravo show Real Housewives of the O.C. These women were friends and though they lived lavish, extremely exclusive lifestyles they still supported each other through hard times, laughed and fought like everyday people do. None of these things apply to the Real HW of NYC. The are catty, not as glamorous as they think they are and besides the Countess I would say on a scale of 1-10 for class they are about a 2, if that much. They live a life most of going to fashion week, and magazine premieres, and that would be ok if they were at all nice to ANYONE including their kids and each other. In the few episodes it’s like they get together so they can tear each other down later. There was one part that really made me go WTH?! One of the women wanted her daughter to try out for Wilhelmina kids (Acting not modeling because she thought models are not very smart, ok pot calling the kettle black) and the little girl says she doesn’t want to miss school to do auditions. The mother just tells her husband this and he says basically its not a good time and she says “No we will wait until something happens and work it out” How are you going to work out the child losing out on education to go on an audition she might not get. Ugh it was too much. It’s always too much when I see a child with more God given sense than their parent.

The only highlight to my TV Boob-dumb was Making the Band 4, or at least I thought it would be. Someone finally went off about the group back and forth and though it looked a little staged I’m glad it happened because that Danity Kane (translation Aubrey and D’Woods) are really out of pocket. The comments at the radio station were ridiculous and totally uncalled for. I’m all for the friendly competition but it’s another thing to call a group of dudes “The woman of house”. I was very happy that Diddy put their behavior on blast. So far not a waste and then came the second hour, when Danity Kane came out dressed in those trashy outfits I decided enough was enough and promptly exited left.

In a nod to Elle (inaword-Fab) I do my first open letter :

Dear Dawn,

Uhmmm Dawn past episodes about you have made me sad and happy all at once. Your voice is melodic and against my better judgment I will be jamming to Damaged in the gym

However to your camel toe in that slutacious outfit I say HELL to the NO!
Best Regards,
The F@#K it list

Did you get it yet?

I needed a little blast from the past today. My childhood favorite group New Edition always does it for me.

Here's Bobby before he had a prerogative, coke and Whit Whit. SMH at the turtle necks, vests and skippies, HA

Monday, March 24, 2008

NYC MTA ...Call center addition!

I started writing a different Blog this morning about day time TV, which sucks but then I was inspired by the MTA call center to put them on BLAST!

As I have said before I think I embody all things NY, so today on my day off I decided to take the bus to the dentist (gas prices are rising and SUV's are not my friend) since its only about 15 minutes away. Only one problem with that plan, I don't ride the bus and therefore I'm not really sure how to get there. I know there is a bus stop in front of my building that goes to the airport but that's the wealth of knowledge I have of the bus and QB. So being the savvy woman I am I call the hotline for the MTA (Normally I would go to hopstop but my computer is also not my friend today). I speak to a representative in a record 2 minutes and I give her all my details, time and place of departure and arrival time desired. She tells me to get the bus that stops in front of my building and hangs up. I am uneasy about this so I call back. And speak to another rep who tells me the same thing, this time I ask questions. Doesn't that bus go to the airport via the conduit, he answers Yes. So I say that is really out of my way and is there another route? No. OK well can you check your screen again? Why he answers I am telling you where to go. I say again but I know that bus only goes North it doesn't go West like i need to, to which he replies "Ms. I wouldn't tell you to get on a bus that I didn't know would get you there I would get fired this call is recorded.

Still uneasy I decide to take my chances with my computer and try hopstop. Turns out I do need to take the bus the reps suggested but NOT ALL THE WAY TO THE DENTIST! I have to get off only two blocks from my house and take another bus. So to MTA call center rep Mr. Robinson (that's his real name) I hope you've been keeping up with the economy and have a great savings to live off because "YOU'RE FIRED!". ----->


Thank you Dear computer for lasting long enough for me to post this

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I wonder what the thread count is.......

Today I was chatting with people in the office and the usual topics came up in this order:

1. March Madness; yeah I am not interested in any brackets this year (I don't know people here well enough to come in screaming "IN your FACE" when my teams win).

2. What's going on for the long weekend: Catching up on some movie time, church and dinner at the Ramirez abode.

3. The economy; its inevitable here we work in finance. Won't bore you but people here are pretty bearish on the market.

4. Politics: You all know who I support so I go on my tirade about Barack and change and blah blah only to hear from my manager that Craig Robinson is her tenant in Providence and that Barack Obama was recently at the home she owns for Dinner.... WHAT??? What did you say?? As she went on about how nice Craig is “all I could think was did she just say that I am only separated from Barack by small degrees?!" Well Good lord I must post this. People need to know that I will be sleeping in the Lincoln bedroom in 2009. HEHEHE.

I know most of you are all Gay for Obama but I don't want you bombarding me with gifts and what not. I will be thinking of all of you while I am in Washington.

Nuts and Apples

Title of this blog was provided by our own "G.R.I.T.S" Sonshine (for all of you who don't know what that stands for it is : Girl Raised in the South).

The trains in New York are a wonderfully entertaining mode of transportation. When they MTA asked fellow straphangers to grade the service they should have asked about the entertainment because the service deserves a big giant D (on a good day C-). The WTF moments that are public transportation can't be duplicated in any other city but the Big Apple.

I think the woman I am about to tell you about suffered from some sort of mental illness and that is not funny but what she was doing was hilarious and the way all the folks on the train reacted was even funnier.

This morning on the train ride there was half a seat open for people to sit down, I only go three stops so I usually stand, not to mention the hysteria this seemed to cause the early morning crowd (people were pushing to sit down). To their dismay they would all end up standing as they probably should have in the first place (ok side note, I hate when people sit down to go one stop, its ridiculous). There was a woman who looked drunk at first glance sitting there drooling uncontrollably, she was very clean but the drool was my first red flag. Immediately when two people sat on either side of her she began talking to herself about the King of Queens. These are direct quotes (yes I wrote them down). "King of Queens is great, that guy is 'effin funny and that girl sexy she is just like me, we look alike" Ok now this woman was about 250 and Black with a short cropped afro, so nothing like the actress on that show. She also kept flinging her hair (like it was long) that was under a baseball cap. Immediately the first two to sit got up, next two sit and the woman breaks out into her own rendition of "Rapper's delight". I was cracking up at this point because there was a black woman sitting in front of me and she was so annoyed, she kept sucking her teeth and trying to close her ears. Once we arrive at Union Square the two who were sitting through the extra long version of the song got up and were pissed off. They were mumbling the woman who went into her next number of "loving you" at this point only one brave soul sat down. As she sang loving you is easy 'cause your beautiful I looked over my shoulder and there was this white man with his mouth wide open. I'm not sure but I think he was probably a tourist. She continued with her hair flipping and singing all the way to Grand Central.

I couldn't be annoyed with her like I am usually when someone comes on the train talking loudly about selling candy so they can stay off the street and have a little money in their pockets, or when the dancer start doing flips giving me flashbacks of that video when the kid gets kicked. I was however annoyed by my fellowstrap hangers telling the conductor to get the police at the next station to get her off the train. Why? she wasn't really bothering anyone, she was singing and talking with herself. And I was entertained.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Obama Speech: 'A More Perfect Union'

On this day, on this here Blog I declare March 18, 2008

This is the most powerful speech ever given. I was choked up listening (and reading it).

PENNSYLVANIA STAND UP FOR CHANGE! Don't be fooled by the evil clinton machine and it's slick talk.

Crank Dat Obama

At the risk of someone suffering from a seizure while listening to Souljah Boy I am posting this especially for Lady D who provides the giggles on this here blog!

Lady D says "HA! Bet Pantsuits can't shake it like that! LOL."

Sunday, March 16, 2008

The Monday Blues.....

For one reason or another I am in a really weird mood today, a bit cranky and second guessing some decisions I've made as of late. But as I sat and watched The Wiz with C.J. , I listened to Michael Jackson sing the crows anthem I started to laugh and felt better.
Hope it helps you all too :) HAPPY MONDAY!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Food Glorious Food... Not so much

So I am a true New Yorker, I ride the subway, I will jump in a cab two blocks so I can preserve my sexy on the way to the club/bar, I do Sunday brunch, I love street fairs, and tourist make me cringe. But nothing says true blue NY'er more than the love of a street vendor and street meat! I will eat a grilled chicken pita with BBQ and hot sauce (No Tzatziki sauce) any day of the week from, any express lunch stand, anywhere in my great city. But no more....

On my daily walk to 8th avenue I had this craving for a warm pretzel with mustard. There is nothing better! Anyway I spot a stand in front of Pink and they have a whole lot of pretzels, which is rare because its the end of the day. But I figure what the heck! There are two men at the stand, I order my pretzel. The first man tells the other man to put the pretzel in the warmer and that is where my love begins to fade for street food.........The second man had his hand in the warmer to combat the cold. To top it off he didn't have on any GLOVES and his hands were covered with the coal which made me nauseous. I quickly decided that I had no more need for a pretzel and hurried away.

WHY Mr. Street Vendor would you do this? I signed many petitions so the Mayor couldn't take you away and rid NY streets of your delicacies. I know its cold but get some gloves and a really warm coat with lots of pockets don't put your hands in the place where people's food will rest. It's skeevy and it has killed one of my greatest joys....

I've sworn off street food before so I am sure I will have case of amnesia and fall off the wagon. But I will never ever eat at the stand next to Pink!

Monday, March 10, 2008

"You've been hoodwinked. You've been had. You've been took. You've been led astray, led amok. You’ve been bamboozled.

As you all know, last week Barack Obama took a hard hit in Ohio, Texas and Rhode Island. Despite what the media spins Senator Obama is still ahead in both the delegate count and the popular vote. The next primary is in Pennsylvania which the media has pretty much given to Senator Clinton (aka pantsuit!). This has raised the question of a joint run with Obama as the vice president.....

I think this video is pretty much to the point on what he thinks about a Clinton/Obama ticket....
Dare I say Obama had a Malcolm X moment.

Enjoy! BARACK in 2008!

My "N" Moment......

"Webster Defines the N***A moment as a moment when ignorance overwhelms the mind of an otherwise logical person. Causing him to act in an illogical self-destructive manner"
- Huey Freeman "The Boondocks"

Those of you who know me know I am usually pretty even tempered. Especially on the train but after a grueling 9 hours in the office (sitting through long client meetings, and not having a real lunch) I was pretty ornery. I decided I would take the long way home and walk to 8th avenue , where I ran into my fabulous uncle. After a good laugh at how awful he is with technology and a few more about his life and mine, I felt lighter and shed all my bad feelings. As always there was some silly fight on the A train but today I just ignored it (there was a huge argument between two guys and it was pretty violent and loud) because I was feeling Easy like Sunday morning (Logan that's for you).

At Utica this woman gets on and basically sat right in my lap, I moved over so she could sit properly to which she responded by sucking her teeth. Then she reached in her bag and pulled out a book almost hitting me in the head, I know you all are thinking well maybe the space was tight, YEAH NO. I continued writing (my next blog), as the train came from underground she pulled out her phone and started yapping loudly and right in my ear... I just started thinking "what the heck did I do today to deserve this nonsense today?". Finally we end get to the last stop and I hurry to get away from her so as not to lose my temper. But no this crazy woman catches up to me and as I am walking down the stairs (in 4 inch heels) she steps between my feet and almost trips me. I turn around and ask her politely to backup but does she ? NO! On the next flight of stair she is making her bag hit me in the back and when I turn around she is smiling THAT'S IT, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!. I looked her dead in the eye and said "you know you are a real idiot, If I would have fallen....." and she starts in with calling me the "B-word". Standing on on the corner with this crazy woman screaming I realized two things 1) One I am too good for this kind of nonsense. It takes a stronger woman to walk away then it does to stand there and bitch out someone who clearly is disturbed and 2) My son was in ear shot and this is not what I want him to grow up thinking about me. So I turned on my heels and walked away, as she kept screaming she walked up behind me then suddenly turned and went the other way as I put my hand on the car door.....

So you may wonder what happen to make this woman who was for the most part pretty crazy and reckless about her safety. Two things a big old police van pulled up and the cops beeped at me and then Black just happen to step out of the car to get my bags I guess she got nervous and took her fool ass home.

This all got me thinking about why are we so angry all the time? And why are we taking it out on people that have nothing to do with our problems. I could have easily been that same angry woman on the train but I walked it off so that I could spare every one in my path, to only become a target. I have had other "N " moments on the train but usually I am provoked but is that really any excuse.. the answer is NO. Ahh.. Just venting!

On to more important things....Barack in '08! Pennsylvania STAND UP!

Talented Tenth....

This site was sent to me by my Best Bud. It was just too hilarious not to pass on for you enjoyment. And all of you Educated Black People know every thing on this site is true! I know I am gulity of #'s 3, 12 and 11 At least.

Stuff Educated Black People Like

Thanks Lady D for providing the giggles.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness," but that doesn't work.

When I started out writing this last night I was going to talk about my nostalgia and the recurring feeling of deja vu I have had all day. This was before I turned on MTV and VH1. Now in the last few seasons of ILNY and FLOL I have made a conscious decision to refrain from watching, but for some ungodly reason last night I was stuck on stupid (literally). There is no cause for a recap but I wanted to make a few comments on what I saw.

Flavor of Love (One precious hour of my life lost)

I felt so incredibly sad and disappointed watching, in this day and age so many young women allowing themselves to be degraded for fame. At such a momentous time in history when a woman is running for President (BARACK in “08!!) their only recourse for coming up in this world is to pretend, to want to be with this man. A man who season after season degrades and dehumanizes every woman he comes into contact with (not to mention the ones outside of this show, all the babies mamas).

The entire show was a train wreck of multiple proportions but two things in particular pained me to watch. The Roast where the girls insulted each other and continuously called each other every name but what their mom (and Flavor Flav) gave them (B* this, Hoe that) , even pointing out a bump on one of the girls lips. Second was the way this man, a man who has kissed more than 20 women per episode had a dermatologist come in and examine her. Instead of telling her in private that it was all good (Could being able to kiss him actually be a good thing I say NO), he slowly reads them in front of her competitors and millions of viewers. He literally held her clock away from her under his coat while he read what the doctor said (Just a pimple, not herpes). WHY WHY WHY did she stay!!!!!!! I would have walked out the door and told him the A$HOLE he was in many different languages. But nope fame won out and she strutted up to receive her clock. A very clear mark of shame in my opinion.

I can’t resist quoting one of the most ignorant things from Thing 1 and Thing 2 (yes this is their moniker, UGH). They said “if it’s a pimple then she stays, if it’s a herpe then she goes”. Now come on you have been throwing the word HERPES around all day. OK I’m done being part of the problem No more wasting precious moments of my life.
Leena you tried to warn us on season 1.

Making the Band 4

Watching this show last night made me sad in a different way. I’ve watched this show all four seasons, because I am intrigued by what new artist will go through to get a record deal (Yes I know the cheese cake walk was extreme and for TV). When Danity Kane was picked I took a particular interest in Dawn. I felt like more than anyone she deserved this chance (I think DWoods and Aubrey are incredibly cocksure and its nerve racking to say the least). Dawn’s story is such an extremely important one as she and her family were victims of Hurricane Katrina and George W. Long after the Kanye Wests’ of the world retracted their statements or disappeared from the picture when so much needs to be done there still, Dawn was an in your face reminder of what happen. And through all of these trials she made her dream come true. So why was I sad? Well in these first few episodes you have been able to see how low her self-esteem is and this feeling that she doesn’t deserve to be happy.

A host of things happened in this episode that red flagged this, but nothing stuck out more than when she sang for Ankh Rah (Love him and his big ears). She sang a song about God being her all but she couldn’t let go and really sing. And shouldn’t a song that says I have nothing to worry about because he has never disappointed make you unafraid to let down your guard even if its for a moment. But no matter what she held back, but Ankh didn’t let her quit. What he said tonight is something I think we all need to remember:

“There’s no getting over it you HAVE to go through it and it’s going to be scary but I promise you it will be ok

What awesome wisdom and encouragement to offer to someone so young. I was teary eyed as she kept singing and let go of some of her burdens. (and I am no water head "Keisha" it takes a hella lot to get me to cry). How many times have you said “oh I’ll just get over it “ and never really do. Maybe with all my moments of de ja vu I needed to hear these words because it truly hit home.

Ok enough with the serious stuff, you all know that show is always good for Giggles:
  1. Why did Seven have a feather earring and all the doves and smoke in the studio. I’m all for setting a vibe but I felt like I was watching when Doves cry video.
  2. Mike Bivins from going on and on about how Diddy is the best president etc.. I was thinking is this how you mentor these boys. That boy needed someone to step up and in the end it was weirdo Seven.
  3. Diddy walking through the house pointing out that there was no goofalockin’ going on there. HUH WHAT? I’ve taken bitchassedness into my vocabulary but this is going too far!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Random: made, or occurring without definite aim, reason, or pattern

Let it be known that I am a venting maniac! This is my new venue for saying whatever is on my mind, sometimes serious and sometimes silly. Today I am feeling a little of both... First the giggles.

Giggle #1: To follow up on where the Klan shops please visit :
Please note that if you need your robes before Halloween or Christmas (prime Klan time) you must order well in advance. $95 for citizens of the Good 'ole US of A and $115 if you are anywhere else and you can only pay with American dollars ( maybe someone needs to clue the KKK into the fact that the Euro is worth twice the dollar).

Giggle #2:
Last week I was on the A train (my inspiration) and there was a very loud conversation being had by two women and a man. I tried my best to tune them out but nothing worked. It was clear that the man was interested in one of the ladies, but she was not feeling him for one sec. He used quite a bit of slang but for the most part he didn't sound like an idiot. A few stops in the women left the train and I was able to finally see who was chatting away....Imagine my surprise when in front of me stood a PIMP.
Please try to picture this: A man wearing a red fedora slightly tilted to the side, full length fur coat (brown), red pant suit, red gators carrying a brief case... I know you are thinking the same thing I was.. What does a pimp need with a briefcase? I figured its just where he kept his pimp cup. So was he really surprised that this woman wasn't interested? All I could think when he was facing me was that I needed to not look him in the eye or I could end up on the strip in the Bronx (Hunts Point, background to my favorite documentary Pimps up hoes down).

Giggle #3: Will somebody please send Gary Coleman a bottle of Vaseline Intensive care coco butter lotion. Every time I see him his hands look like he has been playing in flour.

Stayed Tuned for the serious; Awards will be given out!