Monday, June 9, 2008

Tell 'em why you're mad SON! Open letter day

First open letter goes to MCD's

Dear MCD's
It is a full blown heat wave here in the NY and nothing makes my day than a sweet tea for $1, especially since I forgot my debit card and only had $7 on me. So I ventured into your fine establishment on 46th street (where I saw some stripper-esque teens, see open letter below). First off its not right to make my server Miguel sweat while taking orders, is it too much to turn on the air conditioner? JEEZ!

But Miguel ever the trooper was as pleasant as a man about to faint could be. I ordered the sweet nectar to cool me down, but as I wait for my colleagues grilled chicken sandwich I decide to squeeze my lemon into my tea. * uhm where the heck is my lemon*

Me: Miguel can I get another lemon please ?
Miguel: Sweets I didn't give you any lemons, This damn McDonalds has a new rule that you have to ask for it. *takes my cup and puts three lemons*
Me: This is Sweet tea right? What the heck is that about
Miguel: They are so damn cheap, I mean really how much does 10 lemons cost $5. So 'effin cheap!
Me: That is just not right,what is sweet tea without a lemon?
Miguel: to his manager, See I told you! Sweet tea needs lemon (she sucked her teeth)
I thank Miguel and tell him I hope his shift is ending soon so he can get out of that oven and I am off to call my sister Mrs. Manny R, also known as the Whit Whit of Sweet Tea!

McDonalds are you FREAKING Kidding me? How do you just stop giving people lemons when that is a staple on the perfect sweet tea. I'm so over you (once this heatwave is over).

Love, The F$%K it List

P.S And what happen to the lovely cup,I was forced to have a Yankees cup on my desk all day. Hey here's some news for you this is also the last stand for Good old Shea as well........RECOGNIZE!

So this morning while on the train I saw many many MANY summer atrocities and a light bulb went off. So I put pen to paper and started to write, when I had a few moments to spare I decided to hit up some of my fav blogs and realized that PCD at the pretty circle had beat me too the punch, DANG! But I decided big city many summer woes... so here goes the MTA addition (and too street folks) of PCD's brilliant blog in open letter format (the theme for today).

Dearest NYC straphangers
I know we are all hot and bothered because of this rather early Heatwave (hi my name is global warming), and some of you may have been caught off guard (if you don't have a TV,phone, radio, walkie talkie, change for a paper I understand) but some things are just unforgivable and inappropriate. So as much as it pains me in my quest for balanced karma I must put on my big foam fashion finger and point it at a few folks.
  • Lil Miss Short shorts (applies to ages 15-21), you know you are just wrong! Mother's all over this city are PISSED because your size 2 behind has gone to Cookies and bought every pair of size 16 child shorts to squeeze into (yep I peeped it). And dare I say it you have VPL's? DOUBLE WRONG! Cursing out the young and old men gawking seems silly to me, you'd stare too if you were on the other side of the looking glass. Tip for you: If your shorts cause you a camel toe, they ARE NOT YOUR SIZE.
  • Mr. Lemonhead, I was not making eye contact with you so you could offer me your number and some other rude 'Ish that I will not repeat. I was blinded by your head to toe bright yellow outfit. And was trying to will myself from the big bright light.
  • Madame LV, I was all 'bout it bout it when you walked on the train. Fierce business woman swagger and then you opened up your blazer to reveal a "If that's your boyfriend he wasn't last night: T-shirt. Hmmmm I don't even know what else to say.
  • Grand Central Station lady Sorry those neutral pantyhose are not so neutral, I can see them with your sandals on.
  • cough Ladies cough in the MCD's. Why do you have on plastic stripper shoes with denim cargo pants with the strings hanging off? that's all I can't go any further.
  • Mr.Suave..Ok the Puerto Rican day parade is over so I don't really think its necessary for you to scream out at people as they pass by "I'm Puerto Rican and proud". The shirt, headband, flag on car made that 100% clear and GOOD FOR YOU! We need more self pride. Now mouthing the words "I wanna F you" as you do a slow turn at the corner is NOT going to make it happen but it will get my sweet tea and Yankees cup thrown in your face. So keep it moving.
There were so many different offenses that I am considering fashioning a badge out of my styrofoam Yankees cup and issuing tickets.

Best Regards,

The F$%K it List


DreamCop08 said...

you are so silly, girl that was too funny. dont you just hate it when you are broke and have to eat at Mickie D's.

have a wonderful evening hon

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

hee hee gone wrong is always a good pick-me-up. DOUBLE UGH to the short shorts. no one wants to see our birth canal chick!

also, when you are handing out those tickets, can you fancy some people travel size deodorants and blot paper for their sweat so they don't have to rub it on their hands and touch stuff afterward...or lift their shirts and use it as a napkin? thanx!

Ms. Behaving--> said...

I've got one word to describe this post and that's HILARIOUS!!!


The F$%K it List said...

@dreamcop This city is too full of fashion misfits, its rather funny and it keeps me entertained. Next time I am going to make sure I have my camera

@PCD LOL at birth canal! It is a straight up epidemic with these girls. And then they are just plain old YUCK with the attitudes.

I might have to make that my lunch time gig like the Jehovah's Witness. Instead of preaching I will just hand out baby powder and blot papers. LOL

@Ms.Behaving... Thank you.

Adia said...

Chile I would burn McD's down to the ground if they didn't give me my requisite 3 slices of lemon with my sweet tea. You really can't drink the stuff (which I refer to as liquid sugar or diabetes tea) without it!

As for the summer fashion, please, someone tell me when the leggings under the short-shorts came back? And why Lord, why?

The F$%K it List said...

@adia Its awful! And the shorts are always too small but they have on big gigantic belt.

12kyle said...

OMG!!! I'm in tearz ova here! LMAO!!!

True story...I saw that car here in Atl! Haaaa

12kyle said...

You have been tagged

Lena said...

OMG! I was laughing reading the post but when I got to Mister Puerto Rican man, I almost peed myself. I am Puerto Rican and it just annoys the crap out of me. When asked why I wasn't at the parade I was like "Don't you watch tv? That's why." They crazy.

Sock or anything with sandals bugs the crap outta me.