Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.

A few post back in one of my random thoughts I made this comment:

I just read this amazing book "The Shack" and I want my relationship with God to be stronger and more "Jesus is my homeboy" than "Jesus will come back and judge my every move".

Well this still stands true; it was actually one of the few things in that post that wasn't a random thought. I’ve been re-evaluating my feelings on religion and who God is to me...this has been going on for sometime. I believe it started around Easter, my heart was really heavy that day and for the first time in a long time, I got on my knees and prayed. Not the “Thank you for blessing me prayer” A real heart felt tear jerking prayer. I felt like I had hit a wall but this time was different. This time I didn't feel bruised and battered by a battle that had been warring inside me. I felt like I had a friend with me, warm and safe, in essence I felt free. The need to control every single thing faded…..momentarily.

It was a few month that this warm feeling covered me and then one day I had this feeling that I could go it alone. My heart ached behind this but I let reason convince me that it was just an episode (it wasn't) There were many times when I wanted to place my burden down but kept thinking “its my cross to bear and I have to carry it”…. Needless to say my stress level hit crippling levels. I just wanted to stay in the bed and sleep and if not for CJ I probably would have.

FAST FORWARD to when my friend Cheer bear gave me this book to read “The Shack”. She spoke about this book daily and finally I was like I’ll read it, and I walked around with that book for 2 days before I even thought about cracking it. In true to me fashion, I let the my mind get the best of me and decided I wasn't going to like it but I kept reading (I've never not finished a book, well one but that was a AWFUL BORE) Without giving the entire book away I finally realized how awesome it is to have Jesus in my life. The trials I go through would be lessened if I took the same energy I used to fight him and to embraced him.

This book helped me realize that I don’t have to be perfect, and that though I struggle with control issues God knows my heart. And the more I turn to him as a father the more these things will fade away. It’s like with every parent/child relationship, at some point a parents must let you make decisions, whether good or bad. And if you fail they are there to lift you up. So is the relationship with God, I might not make the decisions he always wants but to him I am perfection because I was created in his image.

There was a point in the book where it all just clicked, light a giant light bulb just went off in my head. God tells the main character why we have the Ten Commandments, and as I read the explanation a tear streamed down my cheek. And all I could say was OFCOURSE!!!! There goes that light bulb again :) .

I don’t have to bear a cross about anything, Jesus was crucified so that I could live without guilt, shame and stress of everyday life. Now it’s up to me to have that shine through me on a regular basis and share that light with those around me. You all know I’m not going to be standing on a soapbox in the middle of Harlem shouting at the top of my lungs but I will tell my friends in their time of need, stress and fear to turn to God. It worked for me.

And though I’ve slipped a couple of times since this revelation, but for once I’m ok with that because I’m God’s perfect creation, and a work in progress.


Maggie said...

Hey I'm a lurker around these parts and almost commented about the book when you did your random post the other week, but decided not to. That book is the truth, my mom bought it last year and read it in 2 days and passed it on. Long story short that was everybody's Christmas gift last year. It gave me a great new perspective. I was brought up in the church, but had strayed in my adult life. The Shack helped me to see that I need to be more concerned with my friendship/relationship with God and not so much the institution of religion.

Now that I have posted a mini blog, back to lurkerville.

Anonymous said...

No, you can't be perfect. No one can and striving for it will tear you apart.

It seems like there have been a lot of posts about religion, spirituality recently. I wonder if the state of the economy is driving the questioning of faith.

12kyle said...

To be accomplished more with this blog post than you would have standing on a soapbox in Harlem. It is a living testimony. Beneficial to those who read it...even more so to you!

The F$%K it List said...

@Maggie I'm glad to have you here, even as a lurker. Yes this book is a life changing book. Its just not what you grow up thinking about God/Jesus.

@Irene I think some people are focusing more on their religion, because of all the things that are going on. I however think I'm looking more towards my spiritual side, which for me is different.

@12Kyle Then its served its purpose. I think I wrote it to be able to see how far I have come, not done yet but I'm on my way

Smarty Jones said...

To piggy back off your response to Kyle, you hit the nail on the head. None of us are done and we won't be until St. Peter ushers us into the gates.
As Christians, we believe that Christ, the Savior is infalliable. He died for our sins so that our souls wouldn't be doomed to burn in Hell for all eternity.
If we are to believe in this, we believe that even before we were thought of, before our parents and grandparents, God saw far enough into our future to know that we would need a Savior.
Now, while we are certainly supposed to be good people, that's at the root of any faith, as Christians, we are supposed to be as Christ-like as possible.
While I don't know a single person who would allow themselves to be crucified for another person, we can all be servants and help each other where we can, offer comfort, feed the hungry, clothe the nekkid and all that.
If we do all that, will we be perfect? Hell no! Why? Because there is temptation. And as long as there is temptation, there is always something there that we're willing to give into. Our inability to yield not to temptation will ultimately be our downfall.
Damn, I wrote a book here too. OK, I'll stop, ya'll and these religion/spirituality posts got ol' Smarty's gears grinding!