Friday, December 4, 2009

Dear White Jesus, Please explain:

I've decided that its the false version of Jesus (you know long blond hair, blue eyes, white robe, and Tevas) that has to be responsible for all this craziness.  And I need an explanation:

Let's break this one down together...mmmmkay?

Struggling in Singledom? Try Steve Harvey's Singles Bootcamp! 

Have you gone on countless dates and still can't find your Mr. or Mrs. Right? Reasonable question
Do you find yourself being attracted to the same kind of person, the bad boy or the party girl? Are you divorced and finding it difficult to break into the dating scene? Hmm hasn't Steve Harvey been divorced THREE, count them 1,2, 3 Times? YES Indeed he has.
Want answers? I do but I don't think Steve Harvey can answer them

Let our relationship guru, Steve Harvey, give you tips on what you may be doing wrong in "Good Morning America's" Singles Bootcamp. Sorry I went blind for a second, did we use Steve Harvey and Guru in the same sentence?

Tell us your story by filling out the form below and a "GMA" producer may be in contact with you. If you are in the New York area, you could be invited to appear on the show and get advice from Steve in person.
PLEASE don't do it to yourself, this is a man that says the word cookie when speaking about the female genitalia. COOKIE you heard me right. But if you are so daring and want to Think Like a Man but act like a Lady please be so refined that he is lost for words. I need this madness to stop!


I also need an explanation on why White Jesus keeps allowing Sean Kingston in the studio. He's not talented and not cute, he's just all around annoying. And don't forget his voice causes seizures, ok I made that part up. His latest musical venture is about twitter and it's PLAIN OLD Terrible. I'm not even going to post it on my page, here is the link. Warning this will cause unexplained seizures click at your own risk.

Remember this from the Dave Chappelle show?

Well, a 20 year old boy in Poplarville, MS (Dyron Hart) thought it would be freaking hilarious to pose as a white supremacists angry about the election of President Obama on facebook. This genius also sent out emails threatening to kill three black students. All his fun and games lead to a trace of his IP address and friendly visit from the FBI, and 3 years probation.  I can't even blame this one on white Jesus, this is just plain old stupidity. Sending threatening emails is a sure fire way to get caught, almost as bad as sending a text message *side eye Tiger Woods*.

ok I'm done for now, I hope he hears my plea and gets back to me pronto.

oh wait, would it be wrong to blame him for this:

Haha I'm going to hell for this, I am 90% sure of it.


The Jaded NYer said...

We can also blame white jesus for my laundry piling up, the price of eggs ($4.29 for a dozen? REALLY, tho?) AND the complete and utter destruction of the Times Square I used to know and love. YES, the one with the sex shops & hookers and dealers on every corner... THAT one. HMPH!

ShellyShell said...

I saw that Steve Harvey shyt and was like fo real! Oh well I'm sure it will be the most popular segment on GMA!!

Why did Aretha have to wear that shyt! You know she had on black Chuck Taylor's also! A HOT black mess!

Smarty Jones said...

OK, so, I meant to reply to this last week and I've come back to read it again. I still can't with you and White Jesus being pen pals.
Yea, he has been divorced and I said all this when I talked about that damn book of his.
Sean Kingston is not for White Jesus to explain. I blame him on the devil. Quite frankly, I'm still not over "Beautiful Girls" and I will never understand how a singing Teddy Graham has this much appeal.
As for ReRe, I don't blame White Jesus, I blame Col. Sanders. Maybe we can blame White Jesus for Col. Sanders' ability to put together 11 herbs and spices to kill black folks for generations to come.

Mizrepresent said...

You are too funny gurl, really. This had me busting up, and yeah i read Steves book too!