Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Leave it in 2009

2009 has produced some of the most annoying slang, clothing, TV shows, and music so I'm begging you all to leave it or face the wrath of my side eye and Shaharazad Ali open handed smack to the mouth. Those of you  unfamiliar with Shaharazad, Do yourself a favor and  google her, This woman is crazy as a f$%king loon.

Anyway here are the things that need to stay in 2009 or happy open handed smack to you:

Leggings: Leather, spandex, lace, sequin . I don't care what they are made of leave them in 2009. They are not pants, so please spare me and yourself the embarrassment of wearing them as such. ESPECIALLY if your shirt only reaches your waist because the thought of being greeted by your crotch will get you smacked.

Uggs: I'm sure all of you have heard my rants on these boot/slippers and so I won't waste time saying it again. Alright I lied. UGGS are Short for UGLY! add to that they are not rain boots and you now know why  you received that smack in the mouth.

Un-honorable mention: Winterized Clog. Plastic Shoes CAN NOT be 1) Comfortable 2) Winterized. So be warned!

Leotards. I danced for many years and I've always hated wearing them, so when I the Pop stars of 2009 decided that they made a great fashion choice I gagged! Then I saw a girl in one on Halloween, sweetie you are not 'yonce and dem so please stop it! I was speaking with one of the Mr's nieces and she told me that the girls at LIU Post wear leotards, leg warmers, and Uggs together all the time. *Note to self stay away from Post or you will go to jail for multiple smacks*

The term Hater: Yes this is a hold over for a few years ago but in 2010 I don't need to hear it at all. Why? Because when people use it now 90% of the time it makes no sense. If there is a difference in opinion in conversation its inevitable that someone will utter the dreaded "why are you hating" or "Hi Hater". PLEASE PEOPLE STOP IT! . I have way better things to do with my time than worry about hating on you. Especially since you probably don't have anything I actually want in the fist place.

Lil Wayne: Yes Yes I was a little touched by his Vh1 behind the music but dang nabbit ENOUGH already. I just saw his scary troll behind in a Shakira video,SHAKIRA! But since he's on his way to lock up in NY maybe I can get some peace and quiet.

BEYONFuckingCE: I was going to leave her off the list and then she decided she was Black culture. Add to that dumbasses on Twitter deciding she was the only person big enough to say something like that. Well you know what, If she's Black Culture I'm handing in my Black card because I refuse to be associated with that mess. I mean really have you heard that God AWFUL song? She doesn't say one thing that would make me say "Yes ok I hear you 'Yonce" no this heffa is talking about Party to people the people that party...WTH is wrong with that chile. I thought Jay stopped smoking the La-la-la, maybe he needs to talk to her about it. And why is she laughing all on the track. Dear White Jesus, please come get your obviously drunk with time child!
Oh here's the video if you'd like your brain to explode; I am POP Culture.
*hmph ya'll know I take REAL Black Culture seriously*

Sexting: Look first of all that's for lames and dumbasses so if you are spending time sending pics of your assets to some dude/chick that will probably show it to all of their friends you're a LAME and this open hand is for you!  Teenagers are guilty but I know some of the over 21 crowd that indulge in this mess.

Terms like 5 Star Chick: GTFOH with that mess. What the hell does that mean anyway? Last I checked 5 stars was given to hotel and movies. So is that what you are saying your comfy for people to sleep in or watch act the damn fool. Grr Black people Do BETTER or SLAP SLAP (unhonorable mention goes to basic bitch and Barbie,Thanks Mizinspiredmind)

Stanky Legs, The Jerk any other stupid ass dance that came out in 2009.ESPECIALLY for the women, have some class already. I mean JEEZ why would you want some dude to bang his peen into your back and you call it daggerin' WTH is wrong with ya'll. Wait are you not familiar with this dance, see below:

*yes Jaded Nyer I know this is your song and its fine but I'll be damned if some dude comes banging his peen into my back*

Text Chat. Look I get it when we all had old school phones we had to shorten words because really who in the hell wanted to type every letter. BUT DAMN IT you all have Smart phones, so why in the hell are not using them. SMART phones should not type STUPID half words. And if you're at a keyboard, unless letters are missing CUT IT OUT! I don't know what you're talking about and I'm not going to bang my head trying to find out.

So the moral of the story is if I see any of you running around doing any of the above, Please Believe the smack you receive will be lethal.


Dee said...

You are SMOKIN' if you think I'm put up my Uggs. SMO-KIN'. CRACK-ROCK. In fact, I shall now purchase several more pairs, including those weird cloth ones. Hot fuschia. Or camo.

....and with that, I bid you goodnight.

The F$%K it List said...

*does the Gator dance* for Dee. I'm also going to tell your DR because those SHOES ARE A NO NO!

MzInspiredMind81 said...

I am LMAO after reading this post! I concur w/ absolutely EVERYTHING though. I do think that taking and posting half naked bathroom pics of yourself and posting them on various social networking sites, should be added to the list as well!

Tyrone said...

I cosign with everything on this list. Clearly that dance you mention was created by some fool that was starving to rub up on someone and had no home training.

Uggs - please, let the entire factory go up in horrible flames. Inbetween shifts, of course.

Ditto for Ed hardy ANYTHING.

Dee said...

DUDE, I can wear Uggs, dr. said, as long as I wear the insoles in 'em.

If yall burn down the Uggs factory, I'll just get the knockoffs. Will be better for my pockets anyways.

The F$%K it List said...

@Mizinspired Are you kidding me? I thought that was left in 2008. See why we can't get ahead!

@Tyrone I knew you'd agree! That daggering dance came to me from one of my YT colleagues when he returned from a trip and I was DISGUSTED.

@Dee 1) why are you still up 2)if I see you in the Chinatown special Uggs I'm gonna trip you.

Smarty Jones said...

Dear Sweet Black Jesus, my eyes!
The Dagger? What in the Reggae/hip hop hell is that?! That is sex on the dance floor, is it not?
*feels around*
I think you said something else about Uggs. I, too, want these damn things to die horrible deaths. Uggs, yuck, BLECH, *vomit*!
What else?
I think the world needs to collectively tell Bey "sitchoassdown!"

The Jaded NYer said...

"bend over bend over bend over..." You KNOW that's my JAMMMMMMMMM!

And funny thing- I just linked it in today's post LMAO!!

(still, any dude trying to jump off the top rope to hump on me on the dance floor is basically asking me to remove his gonads with my tweezers and feed it to him. Ala mode. That is all.)

12kyle said...

The video looks like the newest version of Back Dat Ass Up. LOL.

WTF are they saying? Sounds like a bunch of noise to me. I swear...every reggae song sounds the same 2 me. LMAO!!

I agree with this post. Especially the uggs. Wack!

IntrospectiveGoddess said...

This was funny! LOL

But why you gone discontinue leggings? I am usually always late with the fashion and I was just about to get into the whole legging look and now its banned! *sad face*

Well what about the decorative tights?

I cosign everything else, esp. Beyonce, The term hater, and that Five star chick mess