Friday, January 8, 2010

The Annual M.E.B.P awards is sponsored by

Ladies and Gents Welcome to the Annual "Most Embarrassing Black People" awards. Last year our Broadcast was preempted by Baby Boy, (Thanks B.E.T) but we're back in full effect.
*Is Brooklyn in the House???*

Now some of you may have forgotten what we do here so I'm going to refresh your memory. Each year in January we countdown all the dumbass Black people that opened up the doors for the others to raise an eyebrow at us or made us want to turn our Black card in.  This is a high class event so  there will be no performances (unless Ghostface is here shirt less...wait I'm acting like part of the problem), no skits and No thanking God when you know your packing a nine under that jacket FOR SHAME.

Now let's give out some awards Son!

* Tiger woods - you may consider yourself a Caublasian but when you started out on the circuit I recall a golfer asking if thei club should start serving Collards and watermelon so deal Negro. So if you haven't already hear T to the I to the G to the ER is a PIIMPPPP or so he thought. I don't care one way or another that he cheated on his family but uhhh Tiger really on Christmas day the count was up to 19 women, and this morning on GMA they said you've spent upwards of 60K in hush money. That translates into Trick bruh!

*Chris "Ike Turner" Brown: You all know what he did! He beat Rihanna to a bloody pulp,apologized and wore that God awful bowtie on national TV. I don't know all that happen all I know is that someone forgot to tell lil Chris you don't hit girls.Pull over put her out but NO HITTING! I kind of banned him in my musical life and I hate that I can transform you song (for reasons we can discuss later) but I'm hoping that he learned his lesson.If not I'm sure the monsters at Yo Gabba Gabba can help him, with their song "Hands to yourself"

*Shaquille O'neal Now you know what Shaq I started to love you again (eww not like that).  You and old girl were working it out, you were cracking me up on twitter and then DAMN IT I find out you've been creeping, and not just with any random groupie but with another players fiancee! Dude 1st you know you're too big to be creeping and 2nd what is wrong with you, you have a wife beautiful children and you just want to throw that away? I have to rethink my rekindled love for you.

*Plaxico To be honest I didn't even know who you were until you shot yourself in the leg. You said you carried a weapon for protection, Was that leg trying to harm you? I'm just sayin' even a novice knows to keep the damn safety on. I don't think your sentence was fair (Bloomie used you as an example) this was not the time to be a fool in NY. Anyway I'm sure you'll have tons of pen pals.

*T.I :Boo what happen??? You were at the top of your game, and so you thought making your home into an armory was a good look. I didn't know there was a war being fought  in ATL. TIP you had a damn Bazooka, those are for shooting tanks down not people! I still love you though.

*Jason Williams How do I say this without sounding as crazy as you... We can't see your imaginary friend. So when the cops pulled you over for DWI and you were the only ine in the car you looked well crazy.  You're troubles just won't go away first the shooting now this, maybe you should look into getting some psychological help instead of a bottle of Cognac.

*Michael Steele. Ooh where do I even star with you. Its cool that you're a Republican, you know America and freedom of choice blah blah blah. But why did you let that crazy party make you the token Black figure head? Why did you even take the job? I don't get it, you are representing a party that doesn't try to disguise their hatred for people that look like you. NO? Remember the picture of the white house with watermelons on the lawn? Obama the magic Negro? the Pres Obama food stamps? Shall I go on? C'mon Son! Then this summer you went to Howard University to talk about your party and in front of these educated Black young adults you broke out your best jive talk, I was ashamed for you.
*I guess I better wrap up this because the music is playing in the background* Oh yes and let's not forget the time you compared Stem Cell research to the Holocaust. I guess the Bush Stupidity legacy lives on through you.

* Gilbert Arenas. The Washington team you play for changed their name from the Bullets to the Wizards because of fear of violence, clearly someone forgot to send Gilbert Arena's the damn message. Pulling guns in the  locker room, really dude? You are not Clint Eastwood in Gran Turino, hell he'd have called you a coon for this move. Then instead of laying low, dummy you go tweeting away like aint shit happen, twitter is not your bad boy diary. Now you're suspended indefinitely but I think you just need to be fired. Dumb asses need not work.

* Ron Artest I'll just post the video, I'm not going to talk about this crazy man.

Sports Videos, News, Blogs
This fool majored in Math? See that goes to show you even the mentally insane can do math.
Wait there is MORE:

Sports Videos, News, Blogs
I'm not kidding this guy is crazy. Smarty I'm not going to post your favorite song because this is a classy show!

*Lil Wayne: What can you say about a dreadlock wearing leprechaun?  He was all over the place this year with his sizzurp and styrofoam cups (killing the environment *side eye*). But worse than that he lead an entire generation down the tubes with his music. Examples, how about his performance on the devil station with Drake singing about all the girls he wants to give it to while little girls danced on stage. YESSSSS. OR how about the Youtube video of him talking about getting a blow job at 11 courtesy of his mentor Baby. Oh yes Lil Wayne was indeed a pawn in the devils game of taking down the babies.BTW,Wayne maybe you and Plaxico can be cellmates. Welcome to NEW YORK!

*O.J Simpson: O.J what the F$%K? I mean REALLY, you get off for a murder you know you committed (yeah I said it and you know it)to get sent up the river for something as stupid as a robbery? And then you were like Oh yeah I wasn't armed,I wasn't there. O.J how much did you think white America was going to take...if I didn't know better I'd say you must be related to Tiger, ya'll Caublasians need to stick together.

*R.Kelly: You peed on a girl ( don't lie R, I saw the video, that's YOU), beat the statutory rape charges, made another "he saved me song" and for the most part I forgot about you. Then this year the story comes out that you are writing a book and you are illiterate. Jesus be a hook on phonics DVD. Why did you wait until now to learn how to read? You have all that damn money, but you decided to spend your time getting it in with little girls, maybe you should have had them read you a damn book. Oh the hell I'm not getting into this, you can't read it anyway.

*underwear bomber: Real Name:Umar Farouk Abdul. I don't even know what to say to you! You just made it even harder for every Black men to travel on planes. Don't you think they have enough issues? Now when I look at the facts you lived a silver spoon life so why are you joining the Crips I mean Al Qaeda? I can't have any real sympathy for you because you had it all. I know people that grew up with WAY less than you and have a real reason to resent this country, but they don't go around trying to blow shit up. Your poor parents!

Kanye West: 'Ye what happen to you man?! You've always been a little nutty but you just went off the deep end this year. I know you're Momma passed and you were depressed, who wouldn't be but come on dude you should have gotten some professional help. Not get into a crazy relationship with an ex stripper and turn to the brown juice! TheVMA's had your name on everyone's lips, the President called you a jackass. This is not a good look. I'm happy you finally took a break but get some real help.

*late entry the NAACP: Whose running the show over there these days?Who was the genius that decided that it would be cool to nominate Michael Jackson's Funeral for Best Variety show? Who damn it? I demand a reorganization over there or I will have to stop giving ya'll money (not really but I'm saying).

Honorable Mentions
Mo'nique and that coontastic talk show. I only watched it once and Mr.Baby Wipes Terrence Howard was on that was enough for me not to watch again. That and the fact that Mo'nique has no concept of an inside voice.

Well there were tons more Black People that deserved an open handed smacked to the mouth but the show has come to an end. I'm sure 2010 will bring more foolishness and Embarrasing Black People for next years show so until then.... Love, Peace and SOOOOUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

*feel free to leave your comments and any other people you think need to be up on stage*


Smarty Jones said...

Um, hello?! Why didn't you post "Blind?" That is Ron Artest's best work! #sarcasm

That Mo'Nique referece should have been an UN-honorable mention. Loud heffa.

What happened to Mr. Wendy Williams?

How about Stephen Hill at BET for that piss poor MJ tribute. Ol' punk ass coons! Yea, I said it!

What about Lil' Mama and Allen Iverson for being the world's most annoying midgets? I'm sorry, little people.

Other than that, I think you've covered it.

MzInspiredMind81 said...

Wooooo...this gave me my morning laugh! Thank you so much! I agree, Lil Momma and Stephen Marbury deserve honorable mention too. Ohhh and Rihanna for capitalizing on her domestic violence situation and finding any and every reason to take her clothes off now.

Tyrone said...

LMAO @Smarty: "Mr. Wendy Williams"...laughing because it's true.

Unfortunately, like many award shows, there are far too many nominees - and not enough time.

Smarty Jones said...

@Tyrone, that is courtesy of my little cousins and nieces. They call the choir director at my church at home "Miss Kevin." Bwahahahahahaha!

IntrospectiveGoddess said...

LOL@this whole post, just hilarious and I agree with all the choices, don't have anything else to add oh wait maybe Ray J for that show...and diddy for that damn group, Day 26 and Danity Kane and just never having a reputable artist on his label