Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Everything I know I learned......from a dude in a Champion sweater.....

FALSE! I learned some things but they were things I'd rather not know, now let me fill you in about my birthday party.
I had a BALL all my girls came out and danced, drank and acted the damn fool. The environment was AWESOME and I got to meet my twitter homie Rashida.She's major cool and I have the pics to prove it hahaha. At one point in the night I sent a BBM to Smarty saying "how are they going to put the Black people in the Elvis room?" HA I was a little drunk when we realized it was Elvis on the beads, see for yourself:
and I'm such a child because I couldn't stop singing  Public Enemy "Elvis was a hero to most" HAHAHA. For some reason everyone in the damn bar thought they needed to be in the private area I reserved and so a few arguments were had. One dude even told me he knew the owner...uhm yeah that's good homeboy but you're still not coming in. I saw his little bitch ass go to the owner too and she shook her head No, so IN YOUR FACE little African dude. Ha he had to dance with his goose on all night sucka. Oooh did I mention I have a new friend, Hey Pepper! He's fun, fun and FABULOUS! I've decided to share his fabulousness with The Jaded Nyer and Shelly Shell. I can't even get into the hipsters and their love for all my friends. One even bought me a drink and kissed me on the cheek.

The fun finally came to an end around 4ish and we were all rolling out in Shelly Shell's car, this is where the lessons of pure ignorance began. We come out the bar and there is a dude in red Champion sweatshirt blasting music, Uhm yeah I did mention it was 4am right? So we get in the car and no one is paying this dude or his tiny side kick any attention. Yet here goes red champion acting the damn fool, telling us to leave and not to hit his little old car with the Hi Hater license plate. YES I said Hi Hater he had the nerve to pay extra for that mess, PSSHHH he was a LAME if ever there was one, nobody was hating on him. Anyway here are the things I learned from dumb ass as he ranted and raved about what kind of birds we were:

And just for the Mutha-Fing record the only bird up in the place was him and his Homo-thug vibe (thanks V for pointing that out)

*if you have a car and its paid for but its not new you're a bird

*4 people in a 5 seater = mad tight

*pickup line of the night: You have a really pretty nose...for real is that what's hot on the street?

* Government jobs at $70k is the business, especially when you spend the entire night talking about how you just got out of Rikers (uhmn yeah someone needs to call Obama about that)

* Marrying a woman on the come up makes you fly and on the come up too. So basically her college degree is shared because you don't have one but she does. Who knew?

*Showing a bunch of women who have no interest in you, your pawn shop wedding ring is a way to make them feel bad. hmmm not really

*Red Champions are the shhhhiiiiittttt

*Hennesy is not your friend.

*A real woman doesn't speak to men that are insulting her. She is suppose to just take it and not say a word.

*svedka cheap ass vodka is not your friend

 * having your seat belt is on...Corny. Its much cooler to have an accident and get propelled out the window.

*A group of women have to be out looking for ballers, enjoying a night out is just not enough. A mission must be had.

*And lastly, most importantly and a direct quote "Don't waste your time on these FEMALES, because if you're on the Island she's not going to hold you down." YES People the 4 of us, who really just wanted to get some food and get into bed were not going to hold married/homo-thug dude down  if ever he returned to Rikers so we were not worthy!

If all of these insults fail, just kick the car because that's the manly way. I was so embarrassed for that lose ass dude, but when he kicked Shelly's car and she went to clock him upside his head I knew we had no other choice but to call the police. And we did and left, only to be harassed by a different set of dudes at the sandwich shop. I love BK but I remember now why I don't stay out past a certain time of night! At least not without the Mr.

on a side note I tell the Mr. the entire story at 5:30am and his response was "Oh so I would have had to kick some dude in the head for kicking Michelle's car, its a good thing I stayed home". See if I had been in the wrong he would have told me..... he even said calling the police was the best idea *faints*



The Jaded NYer said...

Mannnnnn, all I remember was putting my head down and thinking, "is this really life?"

Not to mention I had to pee sooooo bad! lol

So when are we going back there? I have a feeling we'll see him again and this time you can add photos to your blog post :D

MzInspiredMind81 said...

I was faint at 'Champion' sweater. Kudos for nostalgia's sake(not really lol). Then the NERVE to have a 'Hi Hater' license plate....Dead and gone! lol

Anonymous said...

Oh man am I glad I left when I did.

BTW - I guess I am a bird (whatever that means) because I have a car that is paid for, but not new. *rolls eyes*

rashida said...

I remember that dude. He was in the back where I was dancing (if it's the same guy). Had to push him off my ass a time or two. Not surprised he acted a fool later.

BTW, totally lost on the whole bird thing. I need a BK to english translation on that one.

Smarty P. Jones said...

OK, it appears I missed a helluva party. Can we get a repeat of this in June? Mm-kay, thanks.

ShellyShell said...

I have NO words for his ass! I still get mad thinking about that fool. I wish Chris would have been with us. He carries a Taser. i would have loved to TASE his dumb ass when he kicked my baby! Thank God he didn't kick her hard or there would have been NO holding me back! I think I would have attempted to fight a N&gga!
Oh and you forgot when he said "I have a credit card and it has a 2000k limit." Not 20,000k but 2000! Bum ass! Remember when I told him his car payment was ore than his rent. He's "hood rich!" Poor Scotty(his sidekick) he gonna get his azz beat down on some foolish shyt his friend CHEESE does!

Mizrepresent said...

I truly enjoyed the story! So glad you all had a good time and got home safe despite the incident!