Thursday, May 27, 2010

Songs we think Glee should do...Volume I

I LOVE GLEE, and I'm not ashamed to say it. I love the show, the soundtrack and YES the Cast. Two weeks ago my blog road dog Smarty Jones and I came up with the brilliant idea of posting the songs we'd love to hear the cast do. Volume I features our favorite Blue eyed soul joints. You can read Smarty's post here: Songs we think Glee should do..Volume I, Smarty style.

I decided to go old school with my list, though I love a Robin Thick song and I can shake it with the best of them to any JTimberlake song, I prefer the old songs. The songs before I had MTV and that played following a P.E. song on NY radio. In short just good music

Everything She Wants – Wham



I would have loved to hear Finn sing this last season when he was looking for a job to support Quinn and her baby.


Miss Me Blind – Culture Club
 
 I feel like some scamming is about to happen involving Shue's wife, and when he finds out he should totally sing this.  This is a total IN YOUR FACE loser song!


Never Gonna Give You Up – Rick Astley

After Tuesday's episode with Puck singing "Beth" for Quinn and their unborn child, I see her not giving up the child and maybe giving Puck a real chance. This song would do it for me!


Tell It To My Heart – Taylor Dane

It's time for Mercedes to have a real boyfriend, someone she falls hard and fast for. People will be whispering because he'll be super hot and all he wants to do is be with her! Her love for him and doubts will have her belting out "Tell it to my heart, is this really love or just a game" AWESOMENESS!

 I’ll Tumble For Ya – Culture Club

Hey I'm a big Culture Club fan so what better way to end a Blue eyed soul show! This song is fun and you can dance to it. That's a Win Win for an ending of a show.

So that concludes my Volume I, I danced the entire time I spent writing this post. Join us next week when Smarty and I tackle Volume 2.
In the meantime enjoy one of my all time favorite songs EVER: No bootleggin', remember what happen to Re-run on What's happening!




   




Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Uhh It's the Ten Hoe commandments (well really 5 but whatever)

A week ago on Twitter one of my followers started ranting about groupies and their tendency to just be dumb as a bag of nails (see Kat Stacks). She was about to go in and then decided there were too many words for twitter, a blog post was NECESSARY. So I invited her to post here at my place. And in true Wildseed fashion she did not disappoint. Follow @theWildseed as she guides you to:

How to be a Groupie: (Satire on Proper Sexual Etiquette with Celebrities)
So there I was, perusing through the mass amount of blog posts in my rss reader, and I come across a link, that against my better judgment, I clicked. What in the hell was I thinking, as the link had both the words, "Woka Flocka" and "Groupies"? I'll never know. Alas, it was clicked and I sat there reading a groupies' short experience with Mr. Flocka, and the thoughts flew from my head about how everything she did was just wrong.  First, the groupie in question was the "most aggressive" in getting his attention. Second, she mouth caressed his cock and booty but-hole got cum in the face, and didn't get anything from it but a cab ride home. Third, she was proud enough of herself for getting with a one-hit wonder looking half of a celebrity. Now me being me, I feel its my appointed duty to educate you all so that you don't end with such a sorrowful story for your first time with a celebrity. You know and maybe if you wanna catch a celeb slipping, and end up with a semi-cute baby and a fat check, then you'll know what to do.    
1. Don't be pressed. Let me say this off top, the easiest way to get a face full of cum and a lack of request is to be pressed. That's with any man, but especially with celebrities. How many pressed women do you think they come in contact with on a daily basis? More than you think. So why would you wanna be just another nameless face. Beyond that, do you know how many models they see, video hoes who let them touch their booty, and just generally pretty women with a style and budget that's more than extravagant a year's worth of your pay? More than you ever see. If you're good looking, get your shoe game up, lose some weight in the wrong places, accentuate the right places, giggle like an idiot and walk away leaving them wanting more.
2.  Do not suck a cock on the first date/meeting/encounter. I'm not saying don't suck the cock. The suckage is wonderful for both parties if its done right, but if you giving up the drawls on the first date, you at least want them to be looking forward to something. Have some aspiration for your limited life and thinking.  Wait til the second date.
3. Limit the anal interaction. Let me the first to say, I'm all for anal play. Shoot, I even had a slogan for it, "Ass Play for 2010, act grown or go home". What I'm not a fan of is you putting your face in the booty butthole of a stranger. An unclean stranger at that. Like, OMG, do you know what kinda of bacteria comes from the anus? Is surrounding the anus? And knowing this, plus the fact that men are NOTORIUS for the dookie strip on the tighty whities, you still just throw your mouth and tongue down there all willy nilly? And if the dude can't even separate words, you think he has enough decency to separate his booty cheeks apart and get a real good clean?  Don't play yourself like that. Do those things with someone you trust, or better yet, married to. Every man does not deserve the glory. Hallelujah!!
4. If you're not getting anything out of it, you're wasting your time. And a cab right home does not count. If you looking to get money, get a date. If you looking for minimal pleasure, you better get some cock. If you're looking for maximum pleasure, you better get some cunnilingus. Make him slirp, slirp on it. Celebrities do it too. They probably do it more because they think they're invincible. As if oral herpes is something that only happens to regular people.
 5. Just don't be a groupie. Aim to be a baby mama. 
So there it is bitches, hoes and tricks your guide to getting your game in tact.  
Follow her @TheWildSeed on Twitter. 

I'm gonna need....

 Her shoes are wack but you get the point.Don't be that guy

Men to get it together *side note NOT ALL MEN are guilty of these summer crimes but those of you who are PAY ATTENTION*

 It's warm out, women have shed all their layers, skin is glowing, toes painted so feel free to admire them. Women love that (ladies stop frontin'). Now there are right and wrong ways to admire a woman and today I've managed to experience every wrong creepy way known to man.

#1: I'm walking down the street and pass a few young men, one screams out "Hey Ma, can you stop to talk?" I keep walking and pay him no mind, even if I was single I would have kept walking. I have one child, his name is C.J and even he knows better than to call me MA.

#2 After I pass the first set of guys, I notice a guy crossing back and forth across the street. He keeps waving at me. I smile say hello and continue to sing. As soon as I get to my block he runs up behind me and asks me if he can have my number? UH WTF? I had my finger on the trigger of my pepper spray he had better thank Marsha Ambrosius for saving his life. Oh yeah and the nice Police officer on the corner.

#3 ADMIRE, don't leer like the wolf in the three little pigs. This dude had the nerve to be posted up on the corner looking at me over his sunglasses. NEGRO PLEASE!

#4 For my melanin challenged men, PLEASE STOP ASKING ABOUT THE CURLS IN MY HAIR! I get it, my hair is fascinating, it's lovely and some might say awesome. But I don't want you to talk about it all day.

#5 Do Not pull up in your car blasting music and ask me to come over. I can't be held responsible for what I do at that point. This happens so often I have to wonder are these men crazy. I'm not a hooker and this ain't the point so keep on driving. I'm sure there is some chicken head that will want to pull up to your SUV and let you abduct her. Go find her.

#6 Do Not engage my child in hope that I will speak to you. I won't. This is probably one of the most disrespectful things a man can do in my opinion. First hitting on me when C.J. is around or chatting him up. He's not a puppy and this is no movie. I will tell you off, then call the cops.

#7 Lastly, if a woman tells you "she has a boyfriend" "she's married", "she's a lesbian" Don't ask her if she's happily any of the above just excuse yourself and get on with life. Too many times a man will approach me and ask me if I'm happy, and often my response is Well I was until you started speaking.

The long and the short is just be respectful of the women you see this summer. Show them the same respect you'd want some man to show your mom or sister. It's really not that much harder to say Hello, Good Afternoon/Evening how are you? And it sound a lot nicer than  "Excuse me Shorty, you have a minute". Alright now off with you, go out and enjoy the sight, after all it's summer and summer dress season is a win win for everyone!










Tuesday, May 18, 2010

This week I will



MAKE IT WORK! 

I have a few little things brewing in my fancy little tea cup and though I'm tired, busy at work, at home I'm going to listen to my mentor Tim Gunn and Make it Work. I've been writing this blog for two years and never thought about it as more than a journal, then all of a sudden people were actually reading it. WOW, who would have thought I'd have repeat visitors from Saudi Arabia, well I do. Though they don't comment I know they are there (thank you stat counter and Bangs and a Bun). 

In other MAKE IT WORK news, I've FINALLY purchased the URL's for both my sites. That's right no more wordpress.com or blogspot.com for the kid! I was so nervous that I would screw something up but alas it was easy as 1.2.3. So probably beginning next week the link "randomishnycsarcasm.blogspot.com" will be "RandomNYCSarcasm.com" GO ME!! It was time. 

Project Publish all drafts, started yesterday with my first installment of the "Brooklyn to English Dictionary" and I will slowly get the rest of them done. There are some real good ones, some that need work and some that should be tossed but they ALL will be published in the next two weeks. Get ready for the Good, The Bad and the slightly less beautiful (what? we don't do Ugly over here HMPH) 

I love the design on my Mommy blog, it feels very clean and grown up, but I'm a little annoyed with the design over here. Specifically that Twitter bird, so I'm shopping for a new look and some help with the HTML coding . I tip my hat to those of you that are able to do it on your own, but it makes me want to cry. So if you know someone or are that somebody that can help me figure it out, I'd be ever so grateful.

Did someone say Blogger Business cards? Well yes I did, mine were made courtesy of the Fabulous blogger extraordinaire The Jaded NYer. I'm super excited to hand them out, so if I just run up on you in the streets to hand you a card, don't think I'm crazy. I'm just excited. 

On that same note I don't have a title to put on these cards. I don't consider myself a writer, I write for pleasure. I don't really freelance because again I do this when the mood strikes me, not to make money. And I write about any and everything, so where does that leave me. Maybe Pop Cultures? OH who knows.

I'm going to take sometime and figure out how I want to brand myself, if I want to at all. Hope you all will be there to root for me on the sidelines, oh hell just come and join the race. 

Thanks Tim Gunn for being my inspiration! 


Monday, May 17, 2010

Brooklyn To English Dictionary


So in a post I did a few weeks back I used a few slang terms that some of you didn't understand. I didn't have time to explain on Twitter (or character space) so I asked Smarty P.Jones if I could jack her "Southern Fried Vocab" edition and help you out. She agreed, and your Brooklyn to English dictionary was born.


The slang word of the week is :  "Bird"
Origin: In the late 90's men often referred to low class women, or a woman that was notorious for getting around as Chicken heads.This got a little long winded so it was shortened to just Bird. This term can also be used to describe a man that has "female tendencies".


Example 1:
Dude: Yo Ma, can I get your number?
Girl: No (keeps walking)
Dude: I didn't really want your number anyway Bird.


Example 2:
Guy 1: Yo I saw Sa-low and he was wildin' out in the club
Guy 2: Sa-low that Bird ass Motherf$%ker? Someone is going to snuff his ass one day.


Now go on and use it, but be careful use of this word to the wrong person could end in a fight. See Ya next week! 



Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Tree Hugging and what not


In the last 10 years we've all become a lot more conscious about what we eat, wear and use because Mother Earth is crying. I'm no tree hugger but I try to do my part. I don't waste water, electricity,use Eco-friendly fluorescent bulbs, re-usable grocery bags,C.J. and I recycle etc... to do our part in saving the planet, but there are just some things I can't give up. I decided on Earth day that  I just won't ever part with out of sheer convenience.

1. Paper Products (plates and cups) I just can't make myself give up the convenience of never having to wash another plate (unless there is company) in my life. I work all day, rush home and cook and the last thing on my mind is washing plates and cups, so I won't give them up. Recently I found a line of plates that are made from Sugar cane and are environment friendly so that's a win for me and Mother Earth.

2. Lysol 4 in 1 bathroom spray: This is the MOST AMAZING SCRUB EVER! It's fast and smells like Ajax without the grittiness. And I just love me some Ajax and fast working bubbles. Anyway I've tried the green product I just don't get the joy so I'm not giving this up.

3. Printing : I don't print everything but if I have a 92 page analysis I'm not going to kill my eyes reading it on a computer screen. I will even print using the double side feature but I'm printing.

4. Leather : One of my vegan tree hugger friends told me that leather shoes weren't a necessity. HUH WHAT? I refuse to wear any plastic, hemp, shoes. I want real leather to cover my feet and so that's not going to happen. And if you come at me with one of those incent smelling Mexican bags, we're gonna have problems.

That's really it, not so bad right? I think Mother Nature and I can agree to disagree on these few small items. If not she can kick rocks *sniffs Lysol 4 in 1 spray*

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I need to give back.....

I am who I am because they made me great!

This morning I was on the train and two teenage girls were standing next to me. The first thing I noticed was the number of name plates one of the girls had on, 3 on her neck, her earrings, and a ring, I thought "Jeez how many reminders of your name does one person need". I giggled because we were the same way, name plates of all kinds, though I don't think I wore all of mine at one time (I've never been into gawdy). Then the hair, blonde weave bangs, pinned in pony tails, just tragic.

After my chuckle and flashback I heard one of the girls say "I want to go back with Fred, but he hurt me" to which the other replied "that's true but he was good to you he bought you mad stuff".(RED F$%king FLAG 1) The conversation went on with the girl with boy trouble saying that another friend saw this dude with another girl yesterday but she doesn't believe it because she didn't see it with her own eyes, sure he did it before but this time is different. Huh? Unless you're stalking this dude how are you going to see it, and its happened before so his record speaks for itself. I wanted to shake her!
 From the little I could gather about this Fred character, he's older than them (they looked about 14) has been locked up more than once (RED F$%king flag), tricks on young girl(s) and he's a known cheater.....uhm is it me or does this seem unappealing? Yeah I didn't think it was me...

The sad thing is this is NOT the first time I've heard this conversation amongst young girls.  It saddens me, I'm tempted to blame all the outside influences (music videos, tv, movies) but I can't in good conscious, I have to look to the parents. Where are the parents of these kids? I know we're. a two income society but does that mean we get to ignore our children? My mom worked and went to school when I was that age and she knew EVERYTHING we were doing, because no matter how tired she was, she made sure she was present and involved. When did we get to a place in society where 15/16 year olds girls could visit their boyfriends homes at midnight (teenage boy on train telling this story)on a week day?

I know some of these kids parents are probably my age which would have made them teen parents but I can't say that's youth is the only factor. I know lots of women that were teenage parents and their kids are doing well. Sure they make stupid decisions, that's what teens do, but the difference is what happens after the stupid decision.
When I was 16 I made a really stupid and terrible decision my mom, grandmother were there for me. I didn't even want to tell them what was going on but when I did no matter how STUPID they may have wanted to tell me I was they didn't. They embraced me and protected me. They treated my bad decision as a mistake and helped me to look at it as that, not the end of the world. I see less of that with some of these teenagers and its reflected in their everyday look at the world. They can't turn to their parent(s) so they turn to men, no one is there to teach them self-respect so they look to the videos,female rappers not realizing these are mirages of what being happy really is. Being a woman is hard, but having to cross into the being an adult women alone is TWICE as hard. Sure
Some triumph over the situations but a lot of them get caught in traps.

 And this is why I need to give back, I need to be there for little girls that don't have a Patsy and Momma in their corner. As crazy as the judges (that's what I use to call them as a teen) made me, they also made me stable by giving me the moral tools necessary to navigate this crazy world. My son will have the benefit of my upbringing but I also feel like I can spare the time to make sure at least one ypung girl. The pain I saw in that girl on the train

So I'm going to start looking for places I can volunteer for a few hous a week. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Hello New York


Dear NYC,
Summer is upon us and in true F$%K it list fashion I need to let you lovely people in on a few things.So here are a few things you all need to remember, I only do this because I love you.
  • Its above 60 degrees, it's probably best that you change your deodorant. That teen fresh you've been buying because it's cheaper is not helping you or my nose right now. 
  • Humidity is not a reason to run around looking like your hair was inspired by a scene out of poltergeist. This is for my white friends. Invest in some frizz-ease, a damn headband and put that hair in a bun.
  • Pedicures are not optional! We've been in hot ass boots and sneakers for umpteen months, don't just go shoving your foot into a sandal then getting all offended when someone turns their nose up at you.
  • LOTION-Unless you work in a bakery there is no excuse to look like you are sifting flour with your knees, elbows, feet , hands...need I go on?
  • Summer dresses are fun and flirty but put on the right undergarments, I mean really why do you have on a bra with straps and a halter dress. 
  • Flip Flop- In NYC? REALLY? Do you want to catch the Ebola virus? If that's your goal go right ahead. I'll wear red to your funeral. 
  • I know its hot but your belly fat doesn't need to be exposed in a cropped ANYTHING, and honestly it's too early in the season for me to go blind. 
It's only May 5th and I've already spotted tons of violators, I may need to find my fashion police badge and start handing out tickets early. I love NYC but this summer you all have to do better, well not at the Wingate concerts because then what will Jaded, Dee and I laugh at (oops that was a part of the problem moment).

Best regards,

The F$%K it list
Saving you from ridicule since 1975

P.S I'll be out and about with my camera so yeah BEWARE!