Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Hello New York

Dear NYC,
Summer is upon us and in true F$%K it list fashion I need to let you lovely people in on a few things.So here are a few things you all need to remember, I only do this because I love you.
  • Its above 60 degrees, it's probably best that you change your deodorant. That teen fresh you've been buying because it's cheaper is not helping you or my nose right now. 
  • Humidity is not a reason to run around looking like your hair was inspired by a scene out of poltergeist. This is for my white friends. Invest in some frizz-ease, a damn headband and put that hair in a bun.
  • Pedicures are not optional! We've been in hot ass boots and sneakers for umpteen months, don't just go shoving your foot into a sandal then getting all offended when someone turns their nose up at you.
  • LOTION-Unless you work in a bakery there is no excuse to look like you are sifting flour with your knees, elbows, feet , hands...need I go on?
  • Summer dresses are fun and flirty but put on the right undergarments, I mean really why do you have on a bra with straps and a halter dress. 
  • Flip Flop- In NYC? REALLY? Do you want to catch the Ebola virus? If that's your goal go right ahead. I'll wear red to your funeral. 
  • I know its hot but your belly fat doesn't need to be exposed in a cropped ANYTHING, and honestly it's too early in the season for me to go blind. 
It's only May 5th and I've already spotted tons of violators, I may need to find my fashion police badge and start handing out tickets early. I love NYC but this summer you all have to do better, well not at the Wingate concerts because then what will Jaded, Dee and I laugh at (oops that was a part of the problem moment).

Best regards,

The F$%K it list
Saving you from ridicule since 1975

P.S I'll be out and about with my camera so yeah BEWARE!


Irene said...

Oh, so before I wear my flip flops, I'm supposed to get a pedicure and put some lotion on?


Well, now I know.

First Bangs, and now you attacking my flip flops. It's a conspiracy.

Reina said...

Flip-flops in NYC? That's a no-no.

And I'm taking that humidity thing personally. It's not my fault!

The Jaded NYer said...

Reina & Irene are so CRAZY!!

And YES- I've seen these and MANY OTHER violations as well. So sad.

But Wingate holds so much promise of twitpics & snide remarks, I almost don't want to correct the errors in fashion LOL!!!

Bangs and a Bun said...

YAS!!! To alllll of this!

I'm dead at that ebola virus comment by the way.

Smarty P. Jones said...

LMAO!!! So in other words, pack my eye bleach in a couple of weeks? *nodding* Gotcha!

Dee said...

OK, I would like to also add:

1) FAT PEOPLE, please cease to wear leggings. Like, please. Especially with a short top. I mean, really, I love comfy clothes as much as the next chick, but you look as if you collided with a cottage cheese truck.

2) Speaking of flip-flops, they are not for all. Example, if you have bunions the size of golf balls.

3) Ima need ladies (and a few dudes) to invest in some Spanx. Co-signing about the underwear comments; learn what to wear under skimpy dresses! Pantylines = tacky.

4) I wholeheartedy agree with the flipflop in NYC comments. Eww and yuck. I am giving the gasface to the lady who had her feet propped up on the NJ Transit train, feet of which the soles were literally black like she hadn't washed them in years. Jesus be soap, water and a PedEgg.

I know there is more, lemme let my lunch digest so I can think properly.