Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I need to give back.....

I am who I am because they made me great!

This morning I was on the train and two teenage girls were standing next to me. The first thing I noticed was the number of name plates one of the girls had on, 3 on her neck, her earrings, and a ring, I thought "Jeez how many reminders of your name does one person need". I giggled because we were the same way, name plates of all kinds, though I don't think I wore all of mine at one time (I've never been into gawdy). Then the hair, blonde weave bangs, pinned in pony tails, just tragic.

After my chuckle and flashback I heard one of the girls say "I want to go back with Fred, but he hurt me" to which the other replied "that's true but he was good to you he bought you mad stuff".(RED F$%king FLAG 1) The conversation went on with the girl with boy trouble saying that another friend saw this dude with another girl yesterday but she doesn't believe it because she didn't see it with her own eyes, sure he did it before but this time is different. Huh? Unless you're stalking this dude how are you going to see it, and its happened before so his record speaks for itself. I wanted to shake her!
 From the little I could gather about this Fred character, he's older than them (they looked about 14) has been locked up more than once (RED F$%king flag), tricks on young girl(s) and he's a known cheater.....uhm is it me or does this seem unappealing? Yeah I didn't think it was me...

The sad thing is this is NOT the first time I've heard this conversation amongst young girls.  It saddens me, I'm tempted to blame all the outside influences (music videos, tv, movies) but I can't in good conscious, I have to look to the parents. Where are the parents of these kids? I know we're. a two income society but does that mean we get to ignore our children? My mom worked and went to school when I was that age and she knew EVERYTHING we were doing, because no matter how tired she was, she made sure she was present and involved. When did we get to a place in society where 15/16 year olds girls could visit their boyfriends homes at midnight (teenage boy on train telling this story)on a week day?

I know some of these kids parents are probably my age which would have made them teen parents but I can't say that's youth is the only factor. I know lots of women that were teenage parents and their kids are doing well. Sure they make stupid decisions, that's what teens do, but the difference is what happens after the stupid decision.
When I was 16 I made a really stupid and terrible decision my mom, grandmother were there for me. I didn't even want to tell them what was going on but when I did no matter how STUPID they may have wanted to tell me I was they didn't. They embraced me and protected me. They treated my bad decision as a mistake and helped me to look at it as that, not the end of the world. I see less of that with some of these teenagers and its reflected in their everyday look at the world. They can't turn to their parent(s) so they turn to men, no one is there to teach them self-respect so they look to the videos,female rappers not realizing these are mirages of what being happy really is. Being a woman is hard, but having to cross into the being an adult women alone is TWICE as hard. Sure
Some triumph over the situations but a lot of them get caught in traps.

 And this is why I need to give back, I need to be there for little girls that don't have a Patsy and Momma in their corner. As crazy as the judges (that's what I use to call them as a teen) made me, they also made me stable by giving me the moral tools necessary to navigate this crazy world. My son will have the benefit of my upbringing but I also feel like I can spare the time to make sure at least one ypung girl. The pain I saw in that girl on the train

So I'm going to start looking for places I can volunteer for a few hous a week. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.


Irene said...

SMDH - I cannot get over the convos you've been hearing. I'd smack a kid if I heard that -ish coming out of my kid's mouth.

rashida said...

One of the things I've noticed with teenagers these days, especially teenage girls, is that the moms are too busy trying to be their friend. There's no real guidance. And it's not just young moms. I'm not sure when things got so off track, but it definitely starts at home.

Mizrepresent said...

That's a beautiful thing lady. There are so many young girls, ladies to be that are lost and still losing bc their own moms didn't have the guidance that you did. I have focused so much on raising my son to be a respectable young man that i haven't horned in on the young ladies out here suffering from self-esteem problems and not getting the guidance they need to be healthy women. I really care about the outcome of your children, the community and all, if we don't give a care, then we are indeed giving into to a notion, a predispositon that says "we fail" and that's just not something i can do.

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

I would've had the same reaction. It's disheartening to see our girls trying to find their way through life without any guidance or support.I definitely did my share of stupid stuff, but the disappointment it brought my parents (if and when they found out) always made me think twice and retreat from some of the antics that could've left me dead, maimed or in the pen. I need to reach out to be a big sis too, gotta give back somehow.