Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Uhh It's the Ten Hoe commandments (well really 5 but whatever)

A week ago on Twitter one of my followers started ranting about groupies and their tendency to just be dumb as a bag of nails (see Kat Stacks). She was about to go in and then decided there were too many words for twitter, a blog post was NECESSARY. So I invited her to post here at my place. And in true Wildseed fashion she did not disappoint. Follow @theWildseed as she guides you to:

How to be a Groupie: (Satire on Proper Sexual Etiquette with Celebrities)
So there I was, perusing through the mass amount of blog posts in my rss reader, and I come across a link, that against my better judgment, I clicked. What in the hell was I thinking, as the link had both the words, "Woka Flocka" and "Groupies"? I'll never know. Alas, it was clicked and I sat there reading a groupies' short experience with Mr. Flocka, and the thoughts flew from my head about how everything she did was just wrong.  First, the groupie in question was the "most aggressive" in getting his attention. Second, she mouth caressed his cock and booty but-hole got cum in the face, and didn't get anything from it but a cab ride home. Third, she was proud enough of herself for getting with a one-hit wonder looking half of a celebrity. Now me being me, I feel its my appointed duty to educate you all so that you don't end with such a sorrowful story for your first time with a celebrity. You know and maybe if you wanna catch a celeb slipping, and end up with a semi-cute baby and a fat check, then you'll know what to do.    
1. Don't be pressed. Let me say this off top, the easiest way to get a face full of cum and a lack of request is to be pressed. That's with any man, but especially with celebrities. How many pressed women do you think they come in contact with on a daily basis? More than you think. So why would you wanna be just another nameless face. Beyond that, do you know how many models they see, video hoes who let them touch their booty, and just generally pretty women with a style and budget that's more than extravagant a year's worth of your pay? More than you ever see. If you're good looking, get your shoe game up, lose some weight in the wrong places, accentuate the right places, giggle like an idiot and walk away leaving them wanting more.
2.  Do not suck a cock on the first date/meeting/encounter. I'm not saying don't suck the cock. The suckage is wonderful for both parties if its done right, but if you giving up the drawls on the first date, you at least want them to be looking forward to something. Have some aspiration for your limited life and thinking.  Wait til the second date.
3. Limit the anal interaction. Let me the first to say, I'm all for anal play. Shoot, I even had a slogan for it, "Ass Play for 2010, act grown or go home". What I'm not a fan of is you putting your face in the booty butthole of a stranger. An unclean stranger at that. Like, OMG, do you know what kinda of bacteria comes from the anus? Is surrounding the anus? And knowing this, plus the fact that men are NOTORIUS for the dookie strip on the tighty whities, you still just throw your mouth and tongue down there all willy nilly? And if the dude can't even separate words, you think he has enough decency to separate his booty cheeks apart and get a real good clean?  Don't play yourself like that. Do those things with someone you trust, or better yet, married to. Every man does not deserve the glory. Hallelujah!!
4. If you're not getting anything out of it, you're wasting your time. And a cab right home does not count. If you looking to get money, get a date. If you looking for minimal pleasure, you better get some cock. If you're looking for maximum pleasure, you better get some cunnilingus. Make him slirp, slirp on it. Celebrities do it too. They probably do it more because they think they're invincible. As if oral herpes is something that only happens to regular people.
 5. Just don't be a groupie. Aim to be a baby mama. 
So there it is bitches, hoes and tricks your guide to getting your game in tact.  
Follow her @TheWildSeed on Twitter. 

1 comment:

Kitty said...

"Assplay for 2010: Act grown or go home" Hilarious!! Great post Wildseed. :)