Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Friends and relationships...

Yesterday on the way back from Fela (side note, This play is a must see) I overheard two single woman having a conversation about relationships. One of their friends must have recently gotten engaged and they seemed a little bitter. I tuned out most of the conversation but the bits and pieces I heard reeked of insecurity and jealousy.  Now tell me if I'm wrong:

Girl one (dating) "I've been with  xyz boy for 2yrs and he hasn't asked me to marry him, and at this point I probably will just say No".  Every time I turn around I hear single women comparing their relationships to other not single woman. WHY? You're not on the same playing field and you're not dating the same man. The best thing to do is to focus on your world and your relationship. Comparing apples to apples with friends only leads to unnecessary resentment. I have single, married, almost married friends and all I look at is how happy they are. Nothing else. I don't want their happiness because my main focus is me and my own and as far as I know the same goes for them.

Girl two (single friend) 'I'm chasing money and success, she can have the husband and kids" REALLY,  What the hell does that even mean? That sounds like hate, dipped in hateration, grilled and dipped again. This simple yet ignorant statement implies that you can't have both a happy family and success and that's bull. It doesn't have to be one or the other? And why are you making it like she's throwing her dreams away, she's getting married not entering a damn convent. Now I can't say this kind of jealousy is foreign to me, I have several single friends that go on and on about how they are chasing business and so they don't have time for a relationship or a man, and that may very well be true.  But these same friends are card carrying members of the "I like to date the same douche maximus club" or and have never been in a successful relationship. So when I hear what has now become the over 25 call of women, I shake my head at  bitterness showing its ugly head.

I'm sure someone is going to come over here in the comments with the all women don't want to be married rhetoric *gives you a standing ovation* but let me stop you here! All women do not want to be married, and that isn't the point of this post.  My point is when you're friend is entering into a new phase of  life and she wants to be apart of that don't be an ASS and bash her. SUPPORT your friend because it's scary enough and  she will need you. Save your jealousy and insecurities for behind close doors. *sucks teeth*

Trust me when I say I don't need friends like that! "Friends" shouldn't be hateful, judgemental and just down right unsupportive. I wouldn't be able to face my friend knowing I spent the balance of 1hr tearing them down for getting married.

I wish I had the bride-to-be's number I'd have let her know she had two bridesmaids that might have voodoo dolls in their bouquets.

Friday, August 27, 2010

And the countdown begins

This weekend is the long awaited ROCK THE BELLS concert! Oh don't act like that you remember exactly what I'm talking about. It's going to be a helluva show! This week there have been several review from the Cali show and they RAVING!  As excited as I am, I'm finally wrapping my mind around how long this show will actually be, 2-12/possibly 1am the next day...Jesus be a 5hour energy shot. I'm going to be T.I.R.E.D, but this will be the best fun I've ever had and I get to do it with my best friends!

Here is some video of Ms.Lauryn Hill, look how normal she looks..*giddity* I'll be live tweeting for as long as my Blackberry holds out and I'm pretty sure so will Shelly Shell so stay tuned for the madness this Saturday.

oh Snap Snoop and Warren G!

okay that's it for now. If I'm able to get some video I'll post it on Sunday!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

#WomansLaw...Re-Aligning my Chakras

Before I start with my post, Today is Thersday and in celebration of it Bangs and a Bun has provided the latest installment of #Womanslaw, "Abide by the Code". If you need to catch up, check out the #Womanslaw written by Smarty's World, The Jaded NYer and of course yours truly.

Yesterday in my post about Disconnecting from the world I mentioned that I need to work on centering myself and unblocking my Chakras. I realized as I was meditating that some of you may not be familiar with the 7 Chakras and I should give you a crash course. I got a little busy and figured I would do it another day, until I started watching Avatar : The Last Airbender (book 2), started running down the Chakras, it was like a sign! So here we go.

The Hindus believe there are seven pools of spiraling energy in the body, these pools are often blocked by the muck and matter of life. In practicing Yoga you learn to reach down into yourself to release the blockage and eventually gain a sense of enlightenment. It takes dedication to open all seven, you have to be ready to look at your life and identify what the blockage is and then release it. And old baggage is always hard to release but I've decided in order for me to live a more fulfilling and enlighten life I need to do this.. step by step. Some very personal things will come out of this but I think it's best to document it here, and maybe it will inspire you to do the same. Now for The Seven Chakras, they are as follows.

(7) Sahasrara Chakra (crown chakra) - top of head, (6) Ajna Chakra (third eye) - center of forehead, (5) Visuddha Charka ((throat chakra) - throat area, (4) Anahata Chakra (heart chakra) - center of the breast (3) Manipura Chakra (navel chakra) - navel area, (2) Svadhisthana Chakra (2nd chakra) - sexual organ
(1) Muladhara Chakra (root chakra) - perineum area

I'm nervous and not exactly sure what will come of this, my hope is that it helps someone and that you enjoy the glimpse into my life.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I've been stressed, tired, emotional and just otherwise unhappy the last few days. I wasn't sure why at first so I in true Capricorn fashion I decided to go inward and disconnect from the world while I work it out. Now disconnecting is hard when you have a mate and a child so I figured the other distractions like FB, BBM and twitter would be a better start.

Monday I had limited interaction on my social networks and that was fine, didn't miss it much during the day, or night. After work, I made a pizza, read books with C.J, talked with the Mr and actually held real conversations with two old friends and most importantly I went to bed before 10pm! The next morning a light bulb went off, I'm doing too much! It's not that I need to disconnect completely but I need to get back to the middle and BALANCE. I also haven't done a real Yoga practice since my vacation two weeks ago and we know how much crazier I get if my Chakras are not blocked. So there is an easy fix for all of this, upping my vitamin intake, regulating my sleep pattern, and realigning my Chakra.

The crazy thing is this happens to me at the same time every year. It's something about the closer we get to fall, the more off kilter my emotions get. *Shrugs* Oh well now to make the change.

Monday, August 23, 2010

This weekend

My family celebrated the birthday of the family matriarch, my Grandma! We had an amazing time and I got to see so many friends and family members. It was suppose to be a surprise but that old lady didn't let it go down like that, though I think she was pleasantly surprised to see people from South Carolina made the trip to celebrate with her.

During the celebration people were asked how long they've known my Nana and how did they meet, it was interesting to hear some of the stories. I knew she had touched our lives and without her we wouldn't be the women we are now but to hear other people tell the same stories made us tear up. I'm truly blessed to have my Nana around giving me advice (even the unwanted advice), to talk and laugh with and just have around. She's a pretty awesome lady! 

And now you understand why we are so fancy! It runs in our blood *snaps fingers* 

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Who you calling a ..................#WomansLaw

I've been back and forth the last year writing a post on the differences in being a woman and being a lady. It's a really hard post to write without offending someone. It might need to be a series of post, starting with  this one... Stop calling yourself a Bitch

A few weeks ago I had a discussion with Fithungrygurl about the use of derogatory words in reference to other woman. She was clear that some of these words were her favorites, and that using words like Bitch or having someone call her a these names didn't matter or take anything from her. I disagree. I work in a male dominated field and that word is thrown around like holy water at a baptism, only its NOT a good thing. Men use the word to describe a woman they see as difficult, out of their place or otherwise a problem. They DO NOT see you as strong nor do they respect you. Woman love to say they've adopted the word and that its lost its sting but that is a falsity, calling a self respecting woman by anything other than her name should get you slapped Shahrazad Ali style. But most time its mumbled behind a back or when the person has moved on, which is a clear indication that the word is indeed still negative. And if you are running around calling yourself Bitch you're associating yourself with that negativity. I'm not the queen Bitch(Lil Kim, yeah she Queen low self-esteem), I ain't the head bitch in charge (HBIC)and if you come out your face and address me as such prepare to pick your teeth up off the ground.

As of late "basic bitch" and "Five star bitch" have crept up on the scene. *rolls eyes* The funny thing is 9 out of 10 of these self proclaimed  "five stars" are 1/2 a star and basic as all get out.  What is five star about this?
This is one of the many pictures that come up when you google "Five Star" DAMN SHAME. Somewhere along the way, we've let these young people down. They believe that having money to blow on a Louis Vuitton bag,  knowing full well you are behind on your bills is not something I look up to. I'm not sure how all this five star mess started but I'm sure it had something to do with a Hip-hop and the incessant need to elevate one kind of woman over another.  So why as women do we play into that? I don't get off on being superior to my sisters around the world so I don't need a man slapping a tag on me that says I'm better. My success whether it be small or large is the success of all woman. So if you seek to label me a five star because of it I will let you know that the only five stars I recognize are at a hotel. Everything else is just PURE D. Foolishness.

So for the women reading this have some respect for yourself and your sisters and put these words to rest, at least amongst yourselves. We can worry about the men later.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I'm celebrating THERSDAY from this point on!!

It's THERSDAY and the ladies of the Social Media Mafia have blessed you with another #womanslaw, and it's about relationships! Smarty has a broke it up, down and twice on the left side (Too much "Do the Right thing") and told you It's none of yo' business go over there and see why, read it and get the message.

I'm on vacation, not from blogging but from the rest of the world. I had all of these plans for my vacation and just ended up resting the entire week.  I spent quality time with the Mr. and C.J and it was good and not so good. But LORD I'm ready to go back to work. I don't know how stay at home Mom's do this every live, long day! So I'm back to work tomorrow, I know Friday what was I thinking and I'll have a new post up for ya... Relationships part II. I'm off to take a nap! #vacationscore

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Wifey vs.Jump off

Last week several friends sent me a link to this article " Why the jumpoff has it better than Wifey" (BitchieLife.com) and at first I did not want to read it because the title was annoying enough. But after a few more emails I decided to read it.... And all I can say is OHHH BOY!!!

My first thought after reading this article,  was that the author might be a little bitter and trying to justify their wrong doing with this piece, and if you read the comments a lot of other people think that way too.   My second thought was to bang my head on the desk... why?  Why are we continuing to promote this "second class, is better than no class at all" lifestyle.  There's an old reggae song where the woman sings "Second class, don't give me a second class love. Whatever you're doing is not good enough, second class cuts like a knife"   How do you live with being  any one's after thought much less a man's! So what is it?  Am I that out of the loop, and does that only exist in a song?  I don't think so, I think it's even simpler  because no matter how you look at it, if you're second to someone else you aren't the winner.

Before anyone waste time their time, I'm not naive there have been "other women" since the beginning of time and there will probably always will be, but in the past the other woman stayed in the background. She was sight unseen and probably only whispered about. She wasn't the standard other women lived up too, but now it seems that being the other woman is a goal. Today's version, the jump off is loud, vocal and seen.  I can't even say it's a specific kind of woman, because now a days it's not. I have friends with degrees from some of the best institutions, great careers, making money hand over fist and still they are okay being labeled "jump off", and a lot of the reasons are right in this article.  But what this article doesn't mention is the losing part on being that man's jump off, so I will.

The article points out that the jump off is afforded perks like money,travel, but what it doesn't say is what the spent money and travel is about...Sex. When you go on a vacation with your husband/boyfriend/ partner its something you sit and plan together, you more than likely travel together. When the other woman travels its more likely when he is on business and she flown in to perform a service. Sure he's going to be decent, maybe take her to dinner, a low key dinner under the lie of "friends".  Hidden while right in the spotlight, yeah sounds like a winning life to me.

Quality time: At this point no one is a winner in this situation,  the man involved in this affair is splitting time between two people and that never fairs well.  But a wife can demand more time, a jump off simply can not. Not without risk of being labeled "needy" or "nagging" and eventually set aside for the next chick (and trust there is always a next chick).

And lets not forget what could very well happen to said jump off if the wife is mentally unstable. This however I don't condone. I believe we as woman have a responsibility to each other and should respect another woman's relationship but a wife's should focus her anger on her husband.

The proud "Jump off"  that makes the claim of  not wanting to be more than a man's second choice are all full of it!  Sure in the beginning it might be all about the money, and the glitz but what it all boils down to is they want what the Wife has and they are willing to get it anyway the can. The want for a real relationship where a man loves them. And we all know that 9 out of 10 times the same man that has promised them that they'd be together goes back to his wife, and the jump off alone, and broken.

  This article in all it's glorifying doesn't go near the thing that is more important than any material possessions or even the man that she claims to love  The jump off in the end will always be the loser because she sacrifices her self-esteem to be with a man that doesn't want her. I'm sure some of you might want to believe that so many of these woman still hold themselves at the most high, but I disagree. If you continue to let a man lie to you, use you whether it be physically or mentally you are degrading your self and that is a hard place to come back from.

I'd also like to point out that the author of this article sighted some of the weakest examples of "Successful Jump offs".  Karrine Stephans aka Superhead may have slept with several men,traveled the world and wrote a book detailing her whorish behavior, but in the end all she wanted was to be someones wife. She wanted to be the center of some man's attention (old tricks die hard)and she found herself a husband. She had better hope Karma isn't as big a bitch as they say or she might find herself in a bad place.

 Hoopz  REALLY? This woman became famous for rubbing all over Flavor Flav...'nuff said and the perpetual baby maker Kim Porter, she wanted to be Puffy's wife so bad she had a set of twins after he was linked to ever starlet known to man. She never intended to be anything other than his wife, too bad he had other plans. So in then end most of you will end up like these three "women" if you continue your jump off ways. There is no real winner in the wife vs. jump off debate everyone leaves a little scared and battered, but I'd rather be the one that leaves with my sense of self intact. 

Saturday, August 7, 2010

More, More, More How do you like it, How do you like it?

SO Today is the big reveal, I like it this new look. The problem with the old backgrounds for me was how busy they felt after a few months and I couldn't really make them mine. Well that's over, this new look is simple, yet noticeable and best of all it's all mine! No canned pictures, just something I worked on (w/an obviously talented graphic designer) that tells the world about me.

I'm super happy about the look now but feel free to leave your comments.

Thanks in advance!

The F$%K it List

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Woman's Law / I don't have anything to say...

Last week the crew was dealt a rather heavy blow but it seems that we're all rebounding nicely. So I bring you today's Woman's Law courtesy of my Brooklyn homie The Jaded Nyer, She's not heavy, she's my sister. Now get on over there, her couch is super comfy, have a read and leave a comment.


I don't have a lot to vent about today.

My fear of small people and now albinos. Is unhealthy and I need to work on it. I mean I wouldn't want anyone to be afraid of me because I'm Black (though I'm sure some racist person is).

CJ has taken to eating sandwiches everyday and the person I blame should expect to pick him up at the airport this weekend.

T-1 day before I start my vacation from the plantation. I can't wait to do absolutely nothing all day.

My friends are pretty awesome but some days ... POW to the Moon. Hard headed heffas.

This week is going to change my life and I can't wait to tell all of you about it, well some of you anyway.

I'm kind of on another blog break. I know, I know I was suppose to do better and as soon as these life changing events are over I will be.

I have my new logo and she is pretty fierce. If you come over here sprouting BS she will definitely cut your ass.

Machete seem to be the talk of the town. First on twitter, then at home.. I blame the NYC heat.

Hmm I think that's all I have to say now... I have a few drafts to tidy up this weekend and debut that new logo so until then I wish you PEACE, LOVE and SOULLLLLLLLLLLL