Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Wifey vs.Jump off

Last week several friends sent me a link to this article " Why the jumpoff has it better than Wifey" (BitchieLife.com) and at first I did not want to read it because the title was annoying enough. But after a few more emails I decided to read it.... And all I can say is OHHH BOY!!!

My first thought after reading this article,  was that the author might be a little bitter and trying to justify their wrong doing with this piece, and if you read the comments a lot of other people think that way too.   My second thought was to bang my head on the desk... why?  Why are we continuing to promote this "second class, is better than no class at all" lifestyle.  There's an old reggae song where the woman sings "Second class, don't give me a second class love. Whatever you're doing is not good enough, second class cuts like a knife"   How do you live with being  any one's after thought much less a man's! So what is it?  Am I that out of the loop, and does that only exist in a song?  I don't think so, I think it's even simpler  because no matter how you look at it, if you're second to someone else you aren't the winner.

Before anyone waste time their time, I'm not naive there have been "other women" since the beginning of time and there will probably always will be, but in the past the other woman stayed in the background. She was sight unseen and probably only whispered about. She wasn't the standard other women lived up too, but now it seems that being the other woman is a goal. Today's version, the jump off is loud, vocal and seen.  I can't even say it's a specific kind of woman, because now a days it's not. I have friends with degrees from some of the best institutions, great careers, making money hand over fist and still they are okay being labeled "jump off", and a lot of the reasons are right in this article.  But what this article doesn't mention is the losing part on being that man's jump off, so I will.

The article points out that the jump off is afforded perks like money,travel, but what it doesn't say is what the spent money and travel is about...Sex. When you go on a vacation with your husband/boyfriend/ partner its something you sit and plan together, you more than likely travel together. When the other woman travels its more likely when he is on business and she flown in to perform a service. Sure he's going to be decent, maybe take her to dinner, a low key dinner under the lie of "friends".  Hidden while right in the spotlight, yeah sounds like a winning life to me.

Quality time: At this point no one is a winner in this situation,  the man involved in this affair is splitting time between two people and that never fairs well.  But a wife can demand more time, a jump off simply can not. Not without risk of being labeled "needy" or "nagging" and eventually set aside for the next chick (and trust there is always a next chick).

And lets not forget what could very well happen to said jump off if the wife is mentally unstable. This however I don't condone. I believe we as woman have a responsibility to each other and should respect another woman's relationship but a wife's should focus her anger on her husband.

The proud "Jump off"  that makes the claim of  not wanting to be more than a man's second choice are all full of it!  Sure in the beginning it might be all about the money, and the glitz but what it all boils down to is they want what the Wife has and they are willing to get it anyway the can. The want for a real relationship where a man loves them. And we all know that 9 out of 10 times the same man that has promised them that they'd be together goes back to his wife, and the jump off alone, and broken.

  This article in all it's glorifying doesn't go near the thing that is more important than any material possessions or even the man that she claims to love  The jump off in the end will always be the loser because she sacrifices her self-esteem to be with a man that doesn't want her. I'm sure some of you might want to believe that so many of these woman still hold themselves at the most high, but I disagree. If you continue to let a man lie to you, use you whether it be physically or mentally you are degrading your self and that is a hard place to come back from.

I'd also like to point out that the author of this article sighted some of the weakest examples of "Successful Jump offs".  Karrine Stephans aka Superhead may have slept with several men,traveled the world and wrote a book detailing her whorish behavior, but in the end all she wanted was to be someones wife. She wanted to be the center of some man's attention (old tricks die hard)and she found herself a husband. She had better hope Karma isn't as big a bitch as they say or she might find herself in a bad place.

 Hoopz  REALLY? This woman became famous for rubbing all over Flavor Flav...'nuff said and the perpetual baby maker Kim Porter, she wanted to be Puffy's wife so bad she had a set of twins after he was linked to ever starlet known to man. She never intended to be anything other than his wife, too bad he had other plans. So in then end most of you will end up like these three "women" if you continue your jump off ways. There is no real winner in the wife vs. jump off debate everyone leaves a little scared and battered, but I'd rather be the one that leaves with my sense of self intact. 


Dee said...

UGH. I'm wondering where the morals of society have gone as of late, especially when it comes to black folks. Everyone knows, jumpoff included, that the jumpoff enters into said position to try to one day be the main women. It's just innate in human beings to want that "I'm yours and you're mine" connection, not the "you can be hers and I'll spend your money and hang out with your occasionally" setup. Jumpoffs, be honest - If cheater dude were to say, "hey, I'm leaving my wife/GF and want to be with you exclusively," will the jumpoff say, "nah, I'm good with our arrangement. You continue to spend Christmas and Easter and go on family vacay with ol girl; I'm good." HELL NO.

Actually, I think becoming a jumpoff has more to do with lack of self-worth/esteem....maybe jumpoffs enter into those positions because they do not believe they will ever attain a man of their own who will love them fully? Fear of rejection, commitment? I think this issue is way deeper than just finding a man who will spend money on you. I know one thing is for sure, the jumpoff situation can never end well for the jumpoff, emotionally, even if she has been with dude for 20 years and had 5 of his kids.

Smarty P. Jones said...

There's simply nothing left to say except that women need to learn to start choosing themselves. What it all boils down to is self-esteem. When women realize they deserve more than being some man's whore, they won't allow themselves to be.

Good post, mama!