Monday, November 15, 2010

The 10 Crack Commandments

In a conversation with Smarty J last week I told her the rules to working on Wall Street are not that different than Biggie's 10 crack commandments.  Having been exposed to both worlds I can say in all confidence that that these worlds are exactly the same, only one is legal and requires sitting at a desk. After telling Smarty what rule nombre uno would be she suggested that I blog it. I agreed, and as my week got progressively more stressful I knew I had to find the time to actually do it and more importantly live by it..... So here we go!

I been in this game for years, it made me a animal
It's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual
A step by step booklet for you to get
your game on track, not your wig pushed back

rule nombre uno: never let no one know how much, dough you hold, cause you know The cheddar breed jealousy 'specially if that man fucked up, get your ass stuck up
I've learned that what your clients trade, or what's in your book is something you have to keep to yourself because if you share too much and talk about it ... you will become a target. Clients and recognition are the name of the game, the bigger the client the more exposure. 

number two: never let em know your next move. Don't you know Bad Boys move in silence or violence Take it from your highness (uh-huh) I done squeezed mad clips at these cats for they bricks and chips

The politics are noticeable at EVERY firm, so it's best to just do your work, and speak when necessary, but keep your head down because shots are OFTEN fired.  I don't suggest letting anyone not see that you are shining star but don't be the brown noser. That's the chick folks want to see fail and they will make it possible.

number three: never trust no-bo-dy Your moms'll set that ass up, properly gassed up Hoodie to mask up, shit, for that fast buck she be layin in the bushes to light that ass up 

Every move starts with a little dry snitching. These firms love to make you believe that they don't do office gossip.. LIES! If you are the scumbag  coveting someone else's position you just need to know who to politely bad mouth him/her too. If you have insight into what they want to do INSTEAD, drop that once and sit back. Then be prepared to strike and take them down. People that don't heed this rule are naive and won't make it.

number four: know you heard this before Never get high, on your own supply 

You got a hot tip from a client and you ran with it...see ya in sing sing son! It's illegal and you might get away with it once, but trust it won't happen too many more times. 

number five: never sell no crack where you rest at I don't care if they want a ounce, tell em bounce 

When you leave the job, LEAVE THE JOB!! Taking your vacations with your work BBerry are the  perfect example of stealing from your place of peace. Of course there are extreme circumstances, once in a while but for the most part your family should not feel second to you career.

number six: that god damn credit, dead it You think a crackhead payin you back, shit forget it 

Mortgage crisis Need I say more?

Seven: this rule is so underrated Keep your family and business completely separated Money and blood don't mix like two dicks and no bitch Find yourself in serious shit
You know that sure fired winner you've been thinking about? Don't pass it on to family and friends. Just like most professional gigs, as soon as people hear you work at a brokerage/ investment firm they have $1000 they want to invest. Do yourself a favor and just turn and walk away! Because if they lose so much as $.15 you're in trouble.

number eight: never keep no weight on you, Them cats that squeeze your guns can hold jobs too
Shred papers son! Being sloppy will always get you caught. Client reports that have been delivered have no business sitting on the printer, your desk or in public trash cans. You don't know whose looking in those cans! And trust me that same scumbag coveting your spot is looking in those cans and using it against you. 

number nine shoulda been number one to me If you ain't gettin bags stay the fuck from police (uh-huh) If niggaz think you snitchin ain't tryin listen They be sittin in your kitchen, waitin to start hittin

This could be looked at two ways, if you're hanging with the office snitch or bull, be prepared to be looked at sideways. On the other hand if you're ALWAYS behind closed doors, you sir are likely the police and I want nothing to do with you. Why? Because you're a coward hiding behind a door. Now granted there are definitely meeting that need to be held behind doors but if every time you enter an office you have to close the door...well snitches get stitches is all I'll say. Lastly if you're the guy/gal always in the corner office or HR you're game is straight see through. 

number ten: a strong word called consignment strictly for live men, not for freshmen
If you ain't got the clientele say hell no Cause they gon want they money rain sleet hail snow 

Don't borrow from your colleagues...PERIOD.Not even $10 unless you can pay it back immediately. Its a bad idea because when you forget an issue will arise. Example someone borrowed my tide bleach stick broke it and NEVER replaced it,now if she needs something I ain't got it. And that's just a tide bleach stick. hahah. I'm kidding about the tide stick but you get my point.

So in the words of the best to ever do it...

Follow these rules you'll have mad bread to break up If not, twenty-four years, on the wake up


Smarty P. Jones said...

Awesomeness! I will take this post and keep it near and dear to my heart as I have Biggie's "10 Crack Commandments."

Tyrone said...

Brilliant. There's a LOT of politics at these places. It's madness. I don't miss it. The paycheck? Whoa.

MzInspiredMind81 said... bout I will be printing this post out and framing it in my office. You knocked it out the park w/ this one.