Tuesday, July 19, 2011


clo·sure  (klzhr)
1. The act of closing or the state of being closed: closure of an incision.
2. Something that closes or shuts.
3.a. A bringing to an end; a conclusion: finally brought the project to closure.
b. A feeling of finality or resolution, especially after a traumatic experience.

In the last few weeks I've had  discussions with friends about Closure. A word that I've heard thrown around over and over again in regards to relationships and I get it but I don't agree with it.

With each conversations I realized my friends had abrupt and hurtful ends to relationships. And they all  wanted to know why. I'm not sure if its a "was it me kind" of need but its a want that I feel could only lead to only one thing, feeling worse. Its just like in "A Few Good Men" when Jack Nicholson screams "you want the truth, you can't handle the truth", knowing the truth of why a relationship didn't last won't ever turn out well. When you seek closure on hurt feelings, heartbreak whatever from someone else you're looking for that person to validate your feelings in some way.

Instead a better approach at seeking closure is to look inward. What did you learn about yourself in this relationship? When evaluating the relationship, what changes would you make so that YOU are better for the next man/woman. From the worst relationship to the storybook romance derailed, there is a lesson to be learned and if you're ever to gain a better sense of self you have to pay attention. 

In a conversation with one of my friends I told her we all go through this and its that struggle that leads to a better you. Look for closure from within because in the grand scheme of life it  means a hell of a lot more than from someone else.


The True Urban Queen said...

And the blog world say . . . Amen.

Nobody can give you what you need to give yourself. I truly believe that when one has ended a relationship that has left them just about broken it is best to some time and "work" on self.
Not that anything may be wrong with one's self but, working on feelings and any bad attitude towards others (which can turn into male/female bashing).
For me just taking time to get to know me and what I really like/enjoy and what is wonderful about me . . . is just as healing as asking someone for their opinion on what's wrong with me (hell that will depress me more).

Well, thanks for the session *gets up off your couch*

Stacy said...

Closure almost always opens up more wounds.

Smarty P. Jones said...

Look at Krishna-pak Chopra! LoL!

You know what, I totally agree. It wasn't that long ago that I was seeking closure and I realized I had all the closure I needed. It didn't work out, that's unfortunate, but let's see what I was supposed to learn from this.

Once folks realize that a relationship that ends and doesn't evolve is one that you don't need anyway. How about mourning that part of your life ending and rejoicing on the new beginning. S'what I've learned to do.