Thursday, February 28, 2013

A Healthy Dose of Confidence

I was reminded of this quote yesterday after an email exchange with a friend so I thought id share it with you.

We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.― Carlos Castaneda

Basically the choice is yours. You can sit around saying Oh I used to be this or that and make yourself miserable or you can say I AM this and be strong and confident. I chose the latter and I don't care how people perceive me because of it.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Let's Talk About: Relationships

Last Friday on Facebook the question below was posed:
A Co worker befriends another co worker's husband because they went to the same college but doesn't tell that co worker. He/ She finds out. What would you do? Me: They would be off that page in a blink of an eye. Then I would get on him for having accepted her as a friend.
My responses were ones I'm sure several of you have heard me say: This is absurd, If you take what happens on FB as a way to define your union then something bigger is wrong. Social Media should never be a factor in your marriage because you shouldn't take what happens seriously. This person is someone from his past it shouldn't matter one way or the other if you're secure in your marriage. Again if your "buttons" include something so trivial as the virtual world, therapy is necessary. 

When I sit back and think of all the things I could discuss with my significant other, being upset about a friendship is not high on my list. I know what if feels like to be on the receiving end of the "why are you friends with my man" or the random friend requests after a brief meeting with their significant others and each time I've ignore it. It always smells funny, and point directly to insecurity and a power play on the part of these women and I don't understand it. If you think that your husband (or wife) is going to cheat or have inappropriate conversations then both of you should step away from the computers and step into that therapist office and address it. But blaming social media for your lack of trust is a cop out at best. TRUST when I tell you if someone wants to cheat they don't need a computer to do it.

If your issue is respect, then maybe you need to re-evaluate your friendship with the person in question.  Clearly s/he doesn't see you as a good friend or wouldn't you have been friends before this? I know I am very selective about who I allow to add me on FB because there are parts of my private life that I only want to share with friends, not the entire world.

In trying to answer this one could ask run through a list of questions like, Did they date in the past? Were they good friends in college? On and on you could go in order to answer this but it all comes down to one thing, IT IS FACEBOOK and not worth the energy!

Monday, February 25, 2013

The Robots Have Won

When I was younger my mom used to tell me some crazy things about what to do with my purse. Like never place your bag on the floor because you'd lose all your money or you never ask anyone to hold your purse because it would entitle them to half  the contents (actually I think my Godmother made that told me one), however crazy they might seem I've lived by them for most of my life (except that incredibly freeing time when I REFUSED to carry any form of purse.) My mom keeps her purse really organized with every contraption created to maintain some sort of organization and I got to thinking about that as I cleaned out my baby bag/ purse. What do the contents of my purse say about me? Which led me to make a even bigger decision about what happens with my family. 

First the contents of my bag: 
My iPad
CJ's Kindle
The Hubby's cellphone
My cellphones (business and personal)
My pedometer
And all the necessary baby things and my wallet. 

Hmm Can we say PLUGGED IN? Yep we can. It seems that every moment of the day my family is plugged into some form of electronic device and that is bad. I can't say that we don't communicate because we are a family of talkers but it seems that we could be doing more. Before the iPad we talked and sang more in the car. The trip to the grocery store was for reviewing sight word flash cards and jokes, now CJ reviews on his kindle and the hubby and I sing or talk. So last week I decided that it all needed to end. The Kindle, iPad, DS, cellphones will all be put in a box during the week, they will not be in the car (or my bag) unless we have a really long trip so that we can enjoy our limited family time. 

The second change is the televisions, we're getting rid of one of the cable boxes because that's just another distraction from family time.  *INSERT CJ falling out crying, asking how he will watch HIS SHOWS* Besides the incredibly high cable bill (F$%K you Optimum) I never watch TV live and paying for two DVRs is just ridiculous. If I actually want to watch a live show I can just retrieve my iPad from the box and use that. This will be better for our finances and for our family. When CJ was younger we rarely had the TV on and though at one time guilt ridden, I can admit that we used it as a distraction so that we could finish other things, now its just become a way to distract ourselves from everything. And well that end today.

So I bet you're wondering how will I blog regularly when I'm unplugged? I've decided to just allow myself an hour to type up the blogs I will be writing in a notebook. In the last few weeks I have been keeping one near my bed to jot down any ideas I have before mommy brain kicks in and I forget. It's proven quite helpful. 

Big things happening over here at the F$%K It list home. Are you too plugged in? How are you addressing it, making changes?

Friday, February 22, 2013

Happy Friday!

I blame my friend Ryan for bringing this to my attention!  I would freak out if this was my child, but these people are cracking up.

Watch out for lions trying to eat babies.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Be Inspired

It's freezing in NY but I decided to bundle up Le Munchkin and go for a walk. What should have been 10 minutes turned into 30, and when I got back I wanted a nap. So I'm going to let the good people at Yogi tea inspire you while I rest. :)

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Five Things: Motherhood

My original post was a letter to my sixteen year old self but at 2 A.M I decided to change to a list of things I know about being a mother.

  1. Time is not on your side: Between the on demand feedings, homework, reading flat Stanley, baths, laundry etc I'm not sure how I have time to take a shower, run a comb through my hair but I always do. I probably should be asleep when I'm doing these things though. 
  2. The Mr. TOTALLY got the long end of the parental stick. He works at night so when he gets home in the morning he gets to play or sleep with a happy well rested baby. I get to do the battle royal at 2am. But there is always Saturday night where I just pass the kids on to him and veg out in front of the TV or take a long shower and do my hair. 
  3. Being home with the kids isn't easy (God Bless stay at home moms) but it is awesome. I don't really know how I'm going to go back to corporate babies and leave these two munchkins. I really miss the thinking parts of my job but I'm just happy being home right now. 
  4. Social life might suffer a bit but when REAL friends come to visit they bring wine and cake! :)
  5. I've grown to hate the "Motherhood is a thankless job" meme. I'm thankful for every moment I get to spend with the Giants. Even if I don't hear Thank you all the time watching my sons grow, thrive at school, in sports and just become good human beings is all the thanks I need. 
I love doing these lists so I'm sure there will be more  to come.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

My Life and Social Media

Since my last post a lot has happened, first and most importantly I had our baby. *throws confetti * Though a little early (three weeks) it was a pretty standard natural birth with plenty of LOL moments only the Davenport Girls can bring (maybe one day I'll tell that story on here for giggles because believe me it's pretty funny.) We are all in good health and with the exception of a little sleep deprivation adjusting well to this new little person.

Before I gave birth I had a bit of a come to Jesus moment about my life and how much of it I share. My mom has been after me to limit what I post on social media, which only served as yet another annoying topic of discussion I didn't want to indulge in. But after I saw his little face and heard that first scream I knew then that I wanted to keep this part of my life a little closer to me.

When CJ was born I didn't have a blog, FB account and a Tweet was singer I loved. All of his special moments were shared with family and close friends via text and detailed emails, which I was able to control. Fast forward 6 years after being forced finally signing up, I shared a lot of pics of my family as I reconnected with old friends. I wanted to let my friends know about my family, my life and well picking up a phone to call was just so 1992 right?  Social media equaled instant contact, no waiting involved and I liked that. I missed my friends and now we were able to stay in touch despite time difference, distance and sans thousand dollar phone bills. So what's not to like!

 Then came all the crazy policy changes, allowing too much access to my life and taking control away from me as long as I exist on their sites.  These changes allowed the sites ownership of my pictures if I post them to my feed and  this lack of control of my image didn't sit well with me. So I made the decision not to give them anymore access starting with birth of this little one. I'm not saying that I won't EVER post another picture of  CJ and Le Munchkin, but I am saying I am learning to limit access. In the case of twitter I've just witnessed too many ugly comments directed at children and though I'm sure I would never be the victim of any of that I don't even want to think about it. 'Cuz if you know me, you know the lethal manner in which I would strike if someone ever came at me about my children.

I'm sure this won't sit well with many but I can't think about that right now, I can only think about what makes me happy and my family safe. So if you've been wondering why you've visited my FB page and haven't seen the new baby that's why. He's here, he's happy but his social media debut is on hold indefinitely.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Time To Blow Off the Dust

*dust off blog* 

I've been neglecting this awesome space for some time for various reasons, all of which are just excuses to hide my real reasons. But those excuses stop today. Not only am I ready to blog again I'm ready to discuss why I stopped. So we'll start there. 

When I started this blog it was an outlet for all the crazy things I see as I travel through life and NYC, a journal of sorts. I would write and not worry about if anyone was reading or commenting and I was happy. As people outside of my network started reading I got a little nervous, and started writing more of what I thought people wanted instead of how I felt. I got more readers and a lot more comments but I wasn't happy because it wasn't completely genuine even if it did have a few people paying attention. So I started pulling away. Every day last year I started a post and then left it in my drafts, because I would lose my passion for the subject and in that my voice. 

The voice that was no-nonsense and strong and all mine was gone. And sadly I couldn't figure out a way to get it back (in more than 140 characters that is). Fast forward to today...I'm ready to just say what I feel again and I'm taking this back to the way it started. I will journal my life, in my voice and worry about nothing. The first 30 days will be hard but I'm going to do it. No Excuses. I've been bottled up for a bit now so you might want to prepare and Get ready! 

I won't be going this first 30 days alone. My tweeps Tyrone M and Orig_Glamazon will be participating as well. It's always easier when you have to be accountable to someone else. 

Thursday, February 14, 2013

It's Valentine's day.. Be Happy!

property of JaLome Photography

I know the customary way to greet people today is Happy Valentine's day but I'm making a change in how I view this "holiday" and I hope you will too.

Too often we get wrapped up in the forced showmanship of this Hallmark, Godiva fueled holiday and we  forget what being in love really is. And every year it's the same thing, In a relationship: We start making lists of material things and yummy chocolate desserts that we want our significant others to shower us with in January just so they don't forget. Single; We start the campaign of 'I'd rather be alone than to settle" or my favorite "At least I'm not the side chick". All of it is ridiculous. Being showered with tons of gifts on one day, don't make you loved and down playing your want for a relationship doesn't make you strong.

So what I'm asking is simple that no matter where you are in the crazy world of relationships, do not to indulge in all of that this year. Let's make this day about showing love to ourselves and to all the people that love us! Use today to

  • call a friend or family member you miss and let them know that you're thinking and live them. 
  • Treat yourself  to a decedant meal, a drink or a spa day and make it a regular practice. 
  • Tell society to kick rocks because this one day doesn't validate you or your relationship.
  • Stop degrading other women because you want to feel better about your situation. A side chick, a main chick whatever you want to call them it's not necessary. It's just another bitter pill.
I'm not saying you can't go out and have a great time with your s/o today, I'm just saying make everyday about love no matter what!

So today I'll greet you simply with It's Valentine's day, JUST  BE HAPPY!